Always always feel like blogging when i'm tired, down, stressed etc etc. Never really felt the need whenever I'm feeling happy heh. Guess it's just a form of outlet to vent all the frustration built up in me? Must be so.
Super duper tired. Car wash 2 days to raise funds for the Cambodian village we gonna visit in May next year was most certainly a tiring job. In all honesty, I wasn't one of those who took many shifts but really, my fund raising project 2, smc logs really tying me down mentally, along with all my academic work. Tests coming up on Mon and I haven't really started studying. Minimally must read finish the chapters of the txtbk for 2142 then can start mugging for 2111 =( really very tired alr zzz.
I guess it's actually one or the other tt's pulling my whole self down. I am doing better at my tests etc this sem. No doubts about it and amazingly I'm uber packed with hall stuff comparatively but I always feel tt it's just so difficult to carry it on to my finals. Really need to pull my cap up and I believe I'm on the right track just need to perform for the remaining tests and especially for my finals. Vv tired.
Tt being said, it's not that I'm not enjoying myself ard. Really like the freshies I met this year, reminds me of d1 last year and I know those days are so far away, it's prob not gonna be the same anymore with so much happening alr ya but life goes on.
Sometimes it does help to be insignificant, really. But I do miss the days of being significant for sure =) Having a good reason to be distracted is not an excuse. Focus Edwin, bring back your discipline from before. Way before.
Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar
My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you
Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If a frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer
__________________________________________________________________
Monday, October 18, 2010
Well...I always, always feel sad when I hear of break ups and failed relationships. They're things I can relate to and when cp was kind of restless after the meeting, I knew I had to talk to him. To hell with the questions to be done for the 8am lecture tmr. Or today perhaps lol.
Although he didn't explicitly say or ask to talk but I could really feel that he needed it =/ I wonder if it was good tt ewen wasn't ard but oh wells. After hearing what he had to say, I guess there're quite a few similarities? Told him abt my own issues previously and all ya. I really feel for him...I mean, yea don't really know what to say lol. It's really, really heart wrenching to to see him feeling so down and yep nothing much I can do other than listening and relating to his issues. Well I didn't want to influence him or anything cos I feel he should decide his course of action on his own...
Never had I been asked so many questions abt my previous relationship but I just let him be. Could feel that he wanted to seek solace in something and it's something he has to try to get over. We, as friends can only be here to support him =) well I'm way past whatever that had happened though it did take some time to do so. "A part of me died when I let you go" but that's a part I've left behind already (:
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this while
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
__________________________________________________________________
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Well I haven't blogged for the longest of time haha. Have been really busy and all, and I really wanted to blog during my busy busy periods cos I cld really vent everything cooped up in myself but I resisted it somehow ya.
Well things are kinda toning down for me, gotta put in more effort to study, really. Have to get my CAP up for certain, if not I wldn't be able to go to SEP without any concerns. But oh well...just do my best and see where it brings me ba.
Well I'm pretty happy with the efforts I made to keep my friendships. Sometimes things just don't happen then I guess it's just down to fate and I'd just say too bad. Nothing much to complain abt my life really. I've got great friends, nice ppl I know ard me, great family members, although I never really express anything in front of them but I still have gratitude for them :) At times I'm kind of glad that I'm no longer in a relationship in that I had been so freaking busy. If it wasn't lab reports it was SMC and if it wasn't SMC it wld be my tests and if it wasn't my tests it wld be Expeditions. I don't even have time for my own social life. I've only went out once since sem started man. Seriously wldn't know how to cope with my academics, which wld certainly have been affected by any other additional things I have. I even had to kind of semi give up tuition to Alicia and Adeline =/
I rmb Joel Boon told me once, in life, it's a give and take situation. You can never get everything to yourself, him referring to his good grades and his not so sports-oriented physique. But he was a super duper uber nice guy, I've gotta say and I'm sure he still is :) yep so it's a give and take for me too, I guess. Having concerned friends and family and especially my grandmother =) pains me to see her being so old and getting more frail ='(
And yea, I kid myself not. I probably ain't as happy as I used to be, but I do have no complaints, no regrets and no looking back already. Using my head, I'm certainly better off with my academics this sem, I tink haha.
On a side note, I'm pretty upset with myself =/ really, it sucks when I know I'm lying to myself and yea lying to someone else. Cld I call it blatant? Maybe =/ I know I want but there're just so much reservations I have. I'm afraid. Of so many different issues that can pop out. I know this too well. I'm certain I need more confidence in myself, more faith and everything else but really it might all be too late alr. Opportunities only come once, and I need to make an opportunity for myself.
What better music to play than one from one of my favourite games up to date, and what a suitable title it has =)
__________________________________________________________________
