Sigh...how do I feel right now? Jealous? Angry? Sore? A sense of betrayal? Helpless? Sad? Probably a little of everything but nothing extreme. Being absolutely frank to myself, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions this time. But I do have a number of unanswered questions floating around in my head. I shall wait for things to settle down on her side before I can clear my own things up though =/ and what irony, it all happened on the 18 July, my father's birthday.
But really, really many thanks to Lynette for listening to me last night =) really my best female friend in NUS haha. Really appreciate her around. Nothing more than a platonic friendship though. In all honesty I usually keep things to myself and I hardly talk to people about my own issues. I'm really happy when there are people around me who I can always turn to :)
On my side I certainly have my own issues to iron out. I hope I was just being too sensitive previously but it just isn't the time for me to be going into another relationship now. Sorry but I can't accept another girl into my life just yet. I probably need a little more time to myself. It might change in a week, a month or even longer, who knows?
And yea...compliments to me don't matter anymore. I'm certainly flattered by compliments on me. But so what? So what if I'm good looking, so what if girls like to look at me? The last thing I want to be is popular. Even if they are true, it doesn't matter when I was unable to keep the girl I love by my side isn't it? What I want is true love that can last.
Funny isn't it, how things kind of seem the same. At the beginning I already felt, hey even their names are so similar. And I wondered where their similarities lie in. Now I know. The outcome, that is. I never ever seem to have any fortune in relationships, do I? But I can take heart in that I had the best 2 months of my life this year. A time where I felt I had everything I needed =)
I said before to a girl I once loved that our hearts are made of glass. Once it's being shattered, no matter how we piece it back together, the cracks will always be there. Only with extreme heat can the glass be blown back together to form a perfect heart once again. And the heat would be love.
Nicole said to me the other time during the diving trip to move on especially if there's a right one waiting. She had seen many bitches around in her life. Things aren't that bad in my case for I know how the one I love really is. But I'll take a while to do just that. It ain't easy. We all know that. 有人说初恋是苦涩的。我终于相信这句话了。
Well but there are many things I can start to change already haha. To cut my hair for one? Maybe change a little things on my phone. Stop practising my guitar for a while 'cause the callus are quite painful? The 21st birthday present remains but the nature of it will be changed for certain. Maybe throw away some expired voucher and brochures? Those are the reasons why I said I was silly to Lynette, oh wells haha. But there are things which will always be kept by me. The sole note and box I got and probably all the exceptional memories I had =) Thank you for everything, they all meant so much to me. They really do =)
I have already accepted the outcome though not entirely due to some ends being left hanging but what my "acquired taste" this time was probably badminton haha. For someone who likes sports and stuff I guess that's as good a thing I could ask for? Let it be, Edwin. Let it be.
回忆里想起模糊的小时候
云朵漂浮在蓝蓝的天空
那时候的你说
要和我手牵手
一起走到时间的尽头
从此以后我都不敢抬头看
彷佛我的天空失去了颜色
从那一天起
我忘记了呼吸
眼泪啊永远不再
不再哭泣
我们的爱
过了就不再回来
直到现在
我还默默的等待
我们的爱我明白
已变成你的负担
只是永远
我都放不开
最后的温暖.....
你给的温暖
不要再问你是否爱我
现在我想要自由的天空
远离开这被捆绑的世界
不再寂寞...
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