Prior to reading today's papers, I didn't think I would actually pen down my thoughts wandering in my mind at 4am this morning. I thought it'd all go away with a good night's rest, but apparently not.
The article wrote about a couple living in India, being plagued by the caste system, where they were married despite being in different castes and faced possible assault from the family of the upper caste. It sparked a thought in my mind of an issue in local context that singlehood is becoming more prominent in young adults and the age of first marriage just increases and increases etc etc. Nothing new really. One of the interviewed "old" singles mentioned that it is difficult to find the right person that you can really click with and one that you can really love.
Well I just thought, such a prevalent issue in Singapore regarding singlehood presented an entirely different problem in India. Such irony really. I would implore the families of the young couple to accept them if I could haha. It really is difficult to find someone you really love, isn't it? And since they did find each other in a sea of people, shouldn't they be given a chance? They are probably meant for each other and I can only wish them luck :)
This triggered a thought in my head. The good old me would probably have thought, hey what's wrong, why can't two people in love just stay together? Truth is, life is never always rosy, never expected. Most of the things we expect to happen do not happen or occur in a different way altogether. Life is complicated enough in itself. Coupled with relationships, it just gets even worse.
Undeniably, I had been living in denial all these while. It wasn't a case of me not being able to get over my woes. Instead, it was me not wanting to get over my own troubles. I'd never be able to dust it off my shoulder and tell myself it's all in the past and I should move on. I'd really prefer to keep it locked safely in a chest, in hope of the key bearer to open the chest someday.
I sort of understand how it feels when you put your heart and soul in a relationship and being unable to continue on due to certain circumstances. It is however, unlikely that I would be able to fully comprehend how someone else feels. It is easy to say that I just put myself in that someone's shoes. But when you have not went through the emotional turmoil and problems that happen in a life, it's always easier said than done. The time frame, the kind of life that leads up to our paths that crossed are things that I may never be able to fully understand. I can say that I had indeed tried my best to accommodate and try to understand her feelings but I couldn't do anything to make things more comforting and give the additional security that probably everyone needs.
I'm just glad that things are going well, perhaps not so for me though I wonder when will I finally be able to move on in life. Perhaps never. I've gotta say my head's learning to adapt already but maybe never for my heart. This statement might just consign me to the realms of misery for as long as it stands, probably wouldn't get another chance to meet and it might just plague my sentiments in time to come.
Undoubtedly, I've grown in maturity and I see many things in a different light already. My priorities will remain the same though. I don't see myself changing in that aspect really haha. I've really gotta say sorry to my head. For now and probably forever, my heart will always overrule my head :)
风吹落最后一片叶 我的心也飘着雪
爱只能往回忆里堆叠 oh~ 给下个季节
忽然间树梢冒花蕊 我怎么会都没有感觉
oh~ 整条街 都是恋爱的人 我独自走在暖风的夜
多想要向过去告别 当季节不停更迭 oh~
却还是少一点坚决 在这寂寞的季节
艳阳高照在那海边 爱情盛开的世界
远远看着热闹一切 oh~ 我记得那狂烈
窗外是快枯黄的叶 感伤在心中有一些 oh~
我了解 那些爱过的人 心是如何慢慢在凋谢
多想要向过去告别 当季节不停更迭 oh~
却永远少一点坚决 在这寂寞的季节
又走过风吹的冷冽 最后一盏灯熄灭
从回忆我慢慢穿越 在这寂寞的季节
还是寂寞的季节 一样寂寞的季节
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
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