Listen To Your Heart

2011-05-09T01:01:00.002+08:00

Well, about a year ago I was kind of an unhappy boy...thinking a lot about things here and there and plenty of what ifs. Fast forward one year till now, I sometimes wonder how much I really grew and matured. And yea, tt's abt it I guess haha. So much for personal reflections. Honestly nothing much abt my life to complain abt, but it probably is human nature to be greedy and want more and tt's the feeling I have now, not that I don't think it isn't really a good thing but sometimes I can't really help it no? Anyways, I highly doubt things will get any much better for myself haha, oh well wad to do...can't be helped can it?

don't really know wad to write really haha. my mind's kind of a blank slate right now and I'm heading to cambodia in like 10 hours' time? gotta get more rest, not tt I feel I can in this sweltering heat.

Hmmm never got to mastering this piece on the guitar, cos only the chorus sounds right and the rest of the tab is just doesn't sound right haha. got to playing it exactly one year back though.

Ocean's apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy

2011-04-18T01:46:00.002+08:00

omg where has my freaking discipline gone to?? did a little more than half of my revision today. omg seriously...5 days left to exams, when will i feel like studying man zzz. terrible waste of time today argh...

recently been loving jason mraz songs, hope they'll get me to work...really desperately need to improve my cap =( can anyone tell me how to be more disciplined. damn siannnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!! =(

Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we're just one big family
It's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure

There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Do you want to, come on, scootch over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'll be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
so please don't, please don't, please don't.
There's no need to complicate
'cause our time is short
This oh, this oh, this is our fate, I'm yours

2011-04-13T10:13:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, not everything in life goes according to your wishes, just sit back and take things in ya? Learn to live and let go, and life will be much better! Easier said than done, but sometimes there really isn't much you could do =)

2011-03-21T00:58:00.003+08:00

Oh gosh, haven't had a post in like 2 months eh haha, as usual thing flash past so quickly. IHG over, treble winners, enough said. It's like we've won everything there is to be won this year. Swept Rag, Flag is kinda impossible with KR's donations and all. Treble winners in IHG, although girls' title was shared with TH. We had a very successful DP and our Chingay was also said to be much better than KR's part. Eusoff hall is indeed the home of the champions.

I mean, in terms of tangible achievements, it can certainly be said that Eusoff can hardly improve from here on, which is both good and bad. Hope great things will continue for Eusoff next year and onwards!

Well, have been freaking busy with IHG, then it was mid terms plus Expeditions, plenty of things here and there. Good things and bad things as usual. Kind of having mixed feelings now haha, but I always know I'm very greedy eh. Needa relax my mind and heart a little. Just a little heh. Don't try too hard, or else nothing's gonna work out for myself, that much I'm sure of heh.

On a side note, gonna remove the tagboard, serves no purpose anymore, it's not really in use and plenty of spam on it yep. Well removed my other info, leaving my name only haha, these things keep changing, no point leaving them all up there eh?

Hey Mr. Curiosity
Is it true what they've been saying about you
Are you killing me
You took care of the cat already
And for those who think it's heavy
Is it the truth
Or is it only gossip
Call it mystery or anything
Just as long as you'd call me
I sent the message on did you get it when I left it
See this catastrophic event
It wasn't meant to mean no harm
But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem

I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
Love is a mystery
Mr. Curious...

Come back to me
Mr. Waiting ever patient can't you see
That I'm the same the way you left me
In a hurry to spell check me
And I'm underlined already in envy green
And pencil red
And I've forgotten what you've said
Will you stop working for the dead and return
Mr. Curious well I need some inspiration
It's my birthday and I cannot find no cause for celebration
The scenario is grave but I'll be braver when you save me
From this situation laden with hearsay

I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
And love is a mystery
Mr. Curiosity
Be Mr. Please
Do come and find me, oh
Find me, find me, me

I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
Trying not to ask why
Cause love is a mystery
Mr. Curiosity
Be Mr. Please
Do come and find me

Love is blinding when the timing's never right
Oh who am I to beg for difference
Finding love in just an instant
Well I don't mind, at least I've tried
Well I tried, I tried...

2011-01-29T22:02:00.003+08:00

My first post in 3 mths haha. So much shit happened, good things passed by here and there and all. I wonder why I'm even putting up this post really. Right in the middle of IHG. DP was really great but in all honesty, I didn't feel as much exhilaration as last year, prob due to this being m 2nd experience alr but dance is certainly fun though. The thing was, I felt vindicated after Hsin Yi's dance, mainly cos I didn't like wad was put up with Ai Ting's item last year. It was a good piece of choreo but it was changed far too often and yep too little time to perfect it. And I kept my record of crying before each of my contemporary pieces, which I did last year's for Ai Ting and this year for Hsin Yi. Really heart wrenching story of Hsin yi =( but I don't know really, life sometimes suck. You win some, you lose some and well...yep I guess things have picked up for her alr. That's life, ups and downs are all part of it, you gotta stay strong and live through ithe lows and ride the waves on the high =)
Well IHG is great so far...was losing right at the beginning but we picked ourselves up right up till now and I believe we have quite a sizeable lead over TH alr. I'm just proud of the vball guys cos of the victory over Sheares, although it was really unfortunate tt I cldn't be ard due to my late night lessons on fri =( really sad. Heard it was such an epic match man. Hopefully can kope the video from EusoffWorks yep zzz. Anyway finals on Mon, really hope can win cos a medal for a real team sport would really matter after the bronze from IFG yep. Wish the boys all the best and hopefully tmr night won't rain so we can get some trg! The weather's been really eratic man.
Just love this song from Berteesha's choreo, very nice and emotional, wld certainly have liked to try this choreo, vvv emotional, the only kind of contemp tt I'd really like to do =)

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

2010-10-29T22:31:00.002+08:00

Always always feel like blogging when i'm tired, down, stressed etc etc. Never really felt the need whenever I'm feeling happy heh. Guess it's just a form of outlet to vent all the frustration built up in me? Must be so.

Super duper tired. Car wash 2 days to raise funds for the Cambodian village we gonna visit in May next year was most certainly a tiring job. In all honesty, I wasn't one of those who took many shifts but really, my fund raising project 2, smc logs really tying me down mentally, along with all my academic work. Tests coming up on Mon and I haven't really started studying. Minimally must read finish the chapters of the txtbk for 2142 then can start mugging for 2111 =( really very tired alr zzz.

I guess it's actually one or the other tt's pulling my whole self down. I am doing better at my tests etc this sem. No doubts about it and amazingly I'm uber packed with hall stuff comparatively but I always feel tt it's just so difficult to carry it on to my finals. Really need to pull my cap up and I believe I'm on the right track just need to perform for the remaining tests and especially for my finals. Vv tired.

Tt being said, it's not that I'm not enjoying myself ard. Really like the freshies I met this year, reminds me of d1 last year and I know those days are so far away, it's prob not gonna be the same anymore with so much happening alr ya but life goes on.

Sometimes it does help to be insignificant, really. But I do miss the days of being significant for sure =) Having a good reason to be distracted is not an excuse. Focus Edwin, bring back your discipline from before. Way before.

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If a frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

2010-10-18T00:49:00.002+08:00

Well...I always, always feel sad when I hear of break ups and failed relationships. They're things I can relate to and when cp was kind of restless after the meeting, I knew I had to talk to him. To hell with the questions to be done for the 8am lecture tmr. Or today perhaps lol.

Although he didn't explicitly say or ask to talk but I could really feel that he needed it =/ I wonder if it was good tt ewen wasn't ard but oh wells. After hearing what he had to say, I guess there're quite a few similarities? Told him abt my own issues previously and all ya. I really feel for him...I mean, yea don't really know what to say lol. It's really, really heart wrenching to to see him feeling so down and yep nothing much I can do other than listening and relating to his issues. Well I didn't want to influence him or anything cos I feel he should decide his course of action on his own...

Never had I been asked so many questions abt my previous relationship but I just let him be. Could feel that he wanted to seek solace in something and it's something he has to try to get over. We, as friends can only be here to support him =) well I'm way past whatever that had happened though it did take some time to do so. "A part of me died when I let you go" but that's a part I've left behind already (:

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this while
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

2010-10-12T02:01:00.002+08:00

Well I haven't blogged for the longest of time haha. Have been really busy and all, and I really wanted to blog during my busy busy periods cos I cld really vent everything cooped up in myself but I resisted it somehow ya.

Well things are kinda toning down for me, gotta put in more effort to study, really. Have to get my CAP up for certain, if not I wldn't be able to go to SEP without any concerns. But oh well...just do my best and see where it brings me ba.

Well I'm pretty happy with the efforts I made to keep my friendships. Sometimes things just don't happen then I guess it's just down to fate and I'd just say too bad. Nothing much to complain abt my life really. I've got great friends, nice ppl I know ard me, great family members, although I never really express anything in front of them but I still have gratitude for them :) At times I'm kind of glad that I'm no longer in a relationship in that I had been so freaking busy. If it wasn't lab reports it was SMC and if it wasn't SMC it wld be my tests and if it wasn't my tests it wld be Expeditions. I don't even have time for my own social life. I've only went out once since sem started man. Seriously wldn't know how to cope with my academics, which wld certainly have been affected by any other additional things I have. I even had to kind of semi give up tuition to Alicia and Adeline =/

I rmb Joel Boon told me once, in life, it's a give and take situation. You can never get everything to yourself, him referring to his good grades and his not so sports-oriented physique. But he was a super duper uber nice guy, I've gotta say and I'm sure he still is :) yep so it's a give and take for me too, I guess. Having concerned friends and family and especially my grandmother =) pains me to see her being so old and getting more frail ='(

And yea, I kid myself not. I probably ain't as happy as I used to be, but I do have no complaints, no regrets and no looking back already. Using my head, I'm certainly better off with my academics this sem, I tink haha.

On a side note, I'm pretty upset with myself =/ really, it sucks when I know I'm lying to myself and yea lying to someone else. Cld I call it blatant? Maybe =/ I know I want but there're just so much reservations I have. I'm afraid. Of so many different issues that can pop out. I know this too well. I'm certain I need more confidence in myself, more faith and everything else but really it might all be too late alr. Opportunities only come once, and I need to make an opportunity for myself.

What better music to play than one from one of my favourite games up to date, and what a suitable title it has =)

2010-08-31T19:48:00.005+08:00

Ah I haven't blogged for quite sometime eh. Just felt like today although it's a privilege I could ill afford. I've been really busy with a lot of academic work and SMC of everything, something I never planned to join this year until Jia Kai told me to. But I believe in what Wei Jie said in that everytime we do something that we don't want to or don't feel a need to, there'll be something to learn. That I most certainly concur with. Whether you like it or not, whether you learn the hard way or not.

Yea too busy with too many shit to think of other shit haha. Hell man, don't even have time to finish my starcraft 2 campaign!! and I'm almost at the end of it alr haha. Ah well...no time to think of these and whatever socializing. Nashmi was right, no socializing if u wanna keep your grades up. I'd say that it's more difficult to keep in contact with my frens outside of hall, more so that I'm quite heavily involved in stuff here and juggling my academics ya.

I wonder if it's fate or just an inevitability that ppl just tend to drift away from me, further and further. I really find it a pity and ya...I guess I can say that this is no longer a one-off thing but oh well... not that I haven't done what I could within my power haha. I just find it a pity cos I cherish everything I do have.

Whoever said that humans could fly is telling a lie. Even Superman doesn't know how to fly.

妈妈说很多事别太计较
只是使命感找到了我我睡不着
如果说骂人要有点技巧
我会加点旋律你会觉得超屌

我的枪不会装弹药
所以放心不会有人倒
我拍青蜂侠不需要替身
因为这些是我绘画的颜料

我做很多事背后的意义并非你们想象
拍个电视剧为了友情与兄弟间的梦想
收视率在高也难抗衡我的伟大理想
因为我的人生无需再多一笔那奖项

我不知道何时变成了所谓的那榜样
被狗仔拍的那伪装着要道歉的模样怎样
我唱的歌词要有点文化因为随时会被当教材
CNN能不能等英文好一点再访
时代杂志封面能不能重拍
随时随地注意形象
要控制饮食不然就跟杜莎夫人蜡像的我不像
好莱钨的中国戏院地上有很多手印脚印
何时才能看见我的奖

Oh~如果超人会飞
那就让我在空中停一停歇
再次俯看这个世界
会让我觉得好一些

Oh~拯救地球好累
虽然有些疲惫但我还是会
不要问我哭过了没
因为超人不能有眼泪

唱歌要拿最佳男歌手
拍电影也不能只拿个最佳新人
你不参加颁奖典礼就是没礼貌
你去参加就是代表你很在乎

得奖时你感动落泪
人家就会觉得你夸张做作
你没表情别人就会说太嚣张
如果你天生这表情那些人甚至会怪你妈妈

结果最后是别人在得奖
你也要给予充分的掌声与微笑
开的车不能太好住的楼不能太高
我到底是一个创作歌手还是好人好事代表

专辑一出就必须是冠军
拍了电影就必须要大卖
只能说当超人真的好难

2010-08-19T19:20:00.002+08:00

Well I had a dream last week. Something that I was happy to dream of =/ not something I should actually rejoice about. And yet on that day after the dream. A few of us were just talking about Linden and yea, it kind of rebounded to me in some sense. Guilt? A little perhaps.

One week down and there are still niggling issues on my mind. Nothing too serious for sure but the seeds of doubt seem to be implanted in my mind already. The only thing I can tell myself is a big fat No. End of story, Edwin.

And I wonder how I can think so much even with such a busy schedule, juggling with SMC and 2 labs a week!! Almost dying already and I know well that I'm not fully utilizing my time either. Sigh...gotta pull through to week 5 man. Ah well, let nature take its course. I sure hope things will turn out fine.

地上断了翅的蝶雾散之后的满月
原来爱跟心碎都可以很细节
听夜风绕过几条街秋天瘦了满地的落叶
于是又一整夜感性的句子都枯萎凋谢

我不想再写随手撕下这一页
原来诗跟离别可以没有结尾 (没有结尾)
憔悴后悔等等这些于是我把诗折叠
邮寄出感觉夹一束白玫瑰你将爱退回

我不落泪忍住感觉分手在起风这个季节
哭久了会累也只是别人的以为
冷的咖啡我清醒着一再续杯
我落泪情绪零碎你的世界一幕幕纷飞
门外的蔷薇带刺伤人的很直接
过去被翻阅结局满天的风雪

2010-08-09T23:37:00.003+08:00

Wow the school's wireless is a lot slower than I had expected. Really quite poor. Irritating that my LAN socket still doesn't work even after a "repair" once. So I'm still surviving on nusopen right in my room zzz.

Well Rag was just a fantastic experience. We went through so much hard work in practising for the dances and all, culminating in an excellent performance on 6 August where we practically swept everything off the judge's table, winning everything single of the 4 titles that were awarded to rag. However, we were unable to win overall rag and flag as KR had way too much donations with flag. Illegal or not I don't know but winning rag is something that money can't buy.

There were many glaring mistakes during the actually performance and I'd say it was only about 70% of our best due to some issues with the moving of the props plus dance steps that were forgotten and props never appearing. I felt it was the concept that saved us and that's really many thanks to Wei Jie and Jie Lin, our magnificent choreographers. Dance wise we were clean but possibly not the cleanest around but they have certainly brought rag dance to a whole new level with a choreography that flows very well, unlike the usual blocks of dances that all other halls use.

I'm still tired. Lack of sleep I guess. I need a lot of it haha. Well life's still a little empty but I'm beginning to see the fuller part of it. I need more discipline cos I'm going to pull my grades up. I'm not going to try my best. I'm going to make it happen. And of course I want to make the most out of my life as well =)

2010-08-05T04:56:00.002+08:00

One reason I'm blogging at this god forsaken time is because rag dance prac ended not too long ago. Another reason is because I'm genuinely concerned for my friend. One I regard as a good friend who talked to me not too long ago. Maybe abt 8 hours ago? I'm already damn tired and yea gonna collapse anytime now but I have to do this.

I am worried. The similarities are scary. Honestly, my opinions and advice don't matter much but I've just gotta say it. If you aren't ready, you aren't. Would a true 1 - 2 year break help things? Maybe. But we'll never know. Yes, it's true that you'll never know until you give things a shot.

The exact same things are happening just like the previous time. When everything seems rosy, the same negative thought pops up and makes you reconsider things once again, whether the relationship should carry on or not. I'm seriously not encouraging a break but when the same thing pops up one too many times, I won't classify it as a one-off or just a coincidence. Something must be done. Of course it has to be talked out for certain. A change of mentality must follow if things are to continue for long. A sufficient sense of security and assurance must be given from the guy. It has to. Emotional strain is part and parcel of a relationship and it all comes in a package. We all have to learn to accept it but I know. Past wounds can still sting. I, of all people should be aware of that.

I also think that it's not about not disappointing the other party but whether it's the best decision for yourself. Benefiting yourself now would not prolong further suffering. Relationships are meant to be selfish. If it doesn't happen, the one who gets hurt in the end might just be yourself. I won't act like I'm a wise owl on this but it's just what I feel and I've learnt. At the end of the relationship there isn't any hard feelings at all. That's what I believe in. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

At the end of the day, I'm not for or against going either way. I'm just for a decision that would ultimately give you happiness and that's best for you. Nothing more, nothing less. Even I'm surprised at my own maturity, which has never really occurred to me before. I hope this would be read sometime soon. Took me a while to sort out my thoughts and all yepz.

2010-08-04T01:57:00.004+08:00

Post number 400. What irony and what a circumstance to post this under.

Guess why I never disagreed when my friends or freshies call me a bare fellow? I totally agree that I'm cui and suck at times. Shu Wen once said, "Nobody agree that he lousy one la!" The nonchalant reply from me came, "But I just did." Guess why I like to mutter "fucked up" under my own breath at times. Scolding myself. Seng Tuck heard it once and gave me a puzzled look.

That I couldn't agree more that's why I tend to dwell on my past mistakes and regret on many things I did or never did. It's just the way I was made to think or function. Strong words written in a moment of folly doesn't constitute to how strong I feel about something really. Using the word fuck which I usually don't blog with is just a figure of speech as someone once said. Once again no excuses for my poor tone but certainly no underlying meaning or any negative connotations to be inferred from my previous post really.

Right now, my feelings about it is nuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. It's not something that I couldn't care less but it's just something that's neutral to me now. It matters to me for certain but it takes time to handle such things. And thus, I won't rush. I might have been misunderstood and rightly so as I have presented myself in such a poor manner. No excuses, Edwin. You are really pretty poor eh. Haha.

I know what is the biggest regret of my life thus far. Not being able to keep my relationship. But it's all well in the past right now. It doesn't quite matter to me anymore. I just want to keep the friendship ya? One may ask me how can I just let it be like this. 因为无时无刻我只想你快乐。Bah...can't wait for tang to upload the pic I took of the lyrics flashing for Jay to see during his concert.

Yep so the previous post was terrible especially when it kind of gave the wrong vibes and idea. It was just some ranting that stemmed off the impatience of me when I'm tired.

I'm writing this with body ache from flag, headache and a terrible tummy ache throughout the whole day plus a bit of a heartache due to the previous post. Yes so please no hard feelings about it...I believe that there's never an absolute in life. Especially my own views. I leave leeway for the other side of the story to unfold. Has been like this and will always be like this.

2010-08-03T22:35:00.002+08:00

Well Flag day just ended today and yeah it was good. I mean we were doing our best to help all the beneficiaries and all no? Did our best by dragging our tired bodies down the streets, asking for donations from countless passers-by. All that's left is Rag. Despite being behind schedule with our dance and float, I firmly believe we'll put up a good show. Really hope it's good. Winning is besides the point 'cos putting up a good show would probably give us something to win right haha. And I just love my EHOC OG, Antra, you freshies really rock =) make me feel so heartened to continue working for you guys!

Right...so many days have passed. I'm kind of numb already. Bad but too bad for me man. Yes I mean yeah I don't like it when one thing is being said and another is being practised. Like saying emotional attachment in a relationship and stuff led to the ending of our relationship ending and getting right into another one in about 2 months' time. What irony. Absolutely. Don't think I'm asking too much for an answer on that one am I? Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part but I don't like to be left hanging. As much as I would like to believe in everything that has been said in the past, I can't help but think about how much of the words were true in the past after those exact words were being contradicted.

Don't get me mistaken. I'm not being sore or anything and I am genuinely happy that happiness has been found for someone who used to be my world. Her happiness mattered and still does matter to me. Love is probably still in the air but in an entirely different manner. Nothing near what we used to feel for each other. Just caring for a friend right now.

In all honestly I feel betrayed to a certain extent. Words that made me willing to wait forever crushed me in less than a few months. I don't know what happened. I wonder still and I do want to know an answer. Was hoping to get things ironed out before year 2 starts but looks like it ain't gonna happen. Oh wells, nothing ever goes to plan in life. The only constant in life is change isn't it? I still don't know how difficult it is to even reply to a single message even if it's something negative. This all led me to think very negatively of what had been the greatest time of my life.

My mentality now is just to fuck it and let it be, really. I would really like to give others the benefit of a doubt to explain themselves and of course I haven't discounted the possibility of me just thinking too much and all. But all I can hope for is a simple answer to the fleeting thoughts in my mind that just fades away as the days go by.

I do feel empty now but not in a bad way. I feel fulfilled enough with Eusoff orientation already haha. Well Winnie the Pooh is something special to me for it was what someone used to call me by and the affinity I felt for it when I played both Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II. The stuffed toy sits staring right at me in my room haha.

怎么隐藏我的悲伤
失去你的地方
你的发香散得匆忙
我已经跟不上

闭上眼睛还能看见
你离去的痕迹
在月光下一直找寻
那想念的身影
如果说分手是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白

我会发着呆然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你

我会发着呆然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想那一年你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

心里的眼泪模糊了视线
你会看不见

2010-07-30T13:34:00.002+08:00

I am pretty satisfied in myself that I haven't been an escapist. I have put my past behind me already and what I want to do is to put things in its right place. I honestly don't really know what's happening and I usually like to give others a benefit of a doubt. But this has happened one time too many already I guess. I don't really want to see my previous relationship end on a sour note but at this rate it might just happen.

Is it too difficult to just reply a message saying that you don't want to talk or something? I have said from day one that I really have problems reading girls haha and it's just so true. I don't know la really. Don't know what I should feel now but it's kind of a pity really for things to be heading this way. Too bad for me though, it seems things always turn sour for me anyways. Getting used to it already. Not feeling angst or anything now. It's just an "okay lo" kind of feeling. I used to joke that I'm in nirvana already but it really feels like it is this time haha.

雨不停落下来
花怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人
欣赏悲哀

爱只剩下无奈
我一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块
就不精采

紧紧相依的心如何
Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句
Say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快

心有一句感慨
我还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段
还在不在

2010-07-25T13:01:00.002+08:00

Jay Chou's concert was amazing haha. In all honesty it could have been better with different company. No offence to Ben of course but it's just different. I know you know what I mean =) I had always been negative and all and one point has eluded me all these while.

Why focus on the negatives when there are just so much more positives out there =) I am fully okay already. I promise myself, no more meaningless emo posts alright? Haha. I really am happy for you Clara, you've found your new love and hope you guys last all the way okay =) don't forget your friend here though lol.

It's all different now and it's just a matter of perception. Overtime, the love will certainly wane but you'll always be someone special in my heart but just in a different way okay? Don't think too much!!

Jay sang this song in the concert last night. It was this song that caught my eye or maybe ear in this sense. Over these 10 years, I've been listening to his music and they have never failed to impressed. Just how little or how much.

It certainly is a fitting song to the end of the most significant chapter in my life thus far =) Thank you for everything. Words cannot express my gratitude for the wonderful 2 months we've had together. But it's time to let go. Finally. I'll move on. I will. Don't you worry =)

I'll upload a pic soon to explain my stand haha. Once Bryan uploads it to facebook or something. I'm certain no one else would have taken that from the concert!!

I just love the meaning of this song. Very suited for me now haha.

爱像一阵风
吹完它就走
这样的节奏
谁都无可奈何
没有你以后
我灵魂失控
黑云在降落
我被它拖着走

静静悄悄默默离开
陷入了危险边缘Baby~
我的世界已经狂风暴雨

Wu~
爱情来的太快就像龙卷风
离不开暴风圈来不及逃
我不能再想
我不能再想
我不我不我不能

爱情走的太快就像龙卷风
不能承受我已无处可躲
我不要再想
我不要再想
我不我不我不要再想你

不知不觉
你已经离开我
不知不觉
我跟了这节奏
后知后觉
又过了一个秋
后知后觉
我该好好生活

2010-07-24T14:59:00.002+08:00

Well...I just moved into hall and it's okay I guess. Did rag dance, and some usual stuff for ogl and all ya. Just felt extremely emotional today. Especially when I had lunch at the deck. Everywhere I look in school, especially in hall and arts I see my really sweet memories, which made it hurt very much. Very, very much. Sometimes I find myself asking what happened from the best days in my life where everything was sweet and rosy to now, where I'm left with just a bunch of unanswered questions running through my mind. I usually just ponder over some of the things bugging me but today was unusual.

I'm normally okay with how things are going for me now. I don't know what came over me actually. Today was just exceptionally emotional and as I was listening to this song, tears just welled up my in eyes. Haven't listened properly to it for a long, long time. And for a moment, I really felt that I would be better off dead than living without an important part of my life. But there's nothing left for me to wait already...

I never really understood the essence of this song when Jay first sang it. I understand it fully now, although it isn't really a good thing. Hope he sings it during the concert later for this really rings in my heart now.

翻着我们的照片
想念若隐若现
去年的冬天
我们笑得很甜
看着你哭泣的脸
对着我说再见
来不及听见
你已走得很远
也许你已经放弃我
也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过
请再给我一个理由
说你不爱我

就算是我不懂
能不能原谅我
请不要把分手
当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走
是你受伤的借口
请你回头
我会陪你一直走到最后

就算没有结果
我也能够承受
我知道你的痛
是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容
沉默是因为包容
如果要走
请你记得我

如果难过
请你忘了我

2010-07-21T15:15:00.002+08:00

我心中所出现的涟漪已开始慢慢地平伏下来。心中的些许感触也已经小心翼翼地离我而去。我爱的人早已不是我的爱人。虽然有些心酸但这也是无可奈何的事实。我衷心的祝福你，但愿你会做出令你最最最幸福的抉择。我只希望你快乐。对我而言，自己并不重要。只要你开心就好了。

16 + 3 = 19. No wonder I began to like that number during recent months haha. Adding the years to it, it'll become 22. Taking the day alone would be 16. What interesting thought processes I used to go through, really. The vivid $1 ice mountain bottle is still being used by me after months of usage, just couldn't bear to part with it. Guess I shall stick to it for a while longer though haha. Silly old me.

I'm truly calm and collected. I'm just waiting for the time for my questions to pop out, and of course, the answers to those questions.

断了的弦再怎么练
我的感觉你已听不见
你的转变像断掉的弦
再怎么接音都不对
你的改变我能够分辨

我沉默你的话也不多
我们之间少了什么不说哎哟
微笑后表情终于有点难过
握着你的手
问你确定了再走
我突然释怀地笑
笑声盘旋半山腰
随风在飘摇啊摇
来到你的面前绕
你泪水往下地掉
说会记住我的好
我也弯着了嘴角笑
你的美已经给了谁
追了又追我要不回
我了解离开树的叶
属于地上的世界凋谢

断了的弦再弹一遍
我的世界你不在里面
我的指尖已经弹出茧
还是无法留你在我身边

断了的弦再怎么练
我的感觉你已听不见
你的转变像断掉的弦
再怎么接音都不对
你的改变我能够分辨

2010-07-19T12:02:00.004+08:00

Sigh...how do I feel right now? Jealous? Angry? Sore? A sense of betrayal? Helpless? Sad? Probably a little of everything but nothing extreme. Being absolutely frank to myself, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions this time. But I do have a number of unanswered questions floating around in my head. I shall wait for things to settle down on her side before I can clear my own things up though =/ and what irony, it all happened on the 18 July, my father's birthday.

But really, really many thanks to Lynette for listening to me last night =) really my best female friend in NUS haha. Really appreciate her around. Nothing more than a platonic friendship though. In all honesty I usually keep things to myself and I hardly talk to people about my own issues. I'm really happy when there are people around me who I can always turn to :)

On my side I certainly have my own issues to iron out. I hope I was just being too sensitive previously but it just isn't the time for me to be going into another relationship now. Sorry but I can't accept another girl into my life just yet. I probably need a little more time to myself. It might change in a week, a month or even longer, who knows?

And yea...compliments to me don't matter anymore. I'm certainly flattered by compliments on me. But so what? So what if I'm good looking, so what if girls like to look at me? The last thing I want to be is popular. Even if they are true, it doesn't matter when I was unable to keep the girl I love by my side isn't it? What I want is true love that can last.

Funny isn't it, how things kind of seem the same. At the beginning I already felt, hey even their names are so similar. And I wondered where their similarities lie in. Now I know. The outcome, that is. I never ever seem to have any fortune in relationships, do I? But I can take heart in that I had the best 2 months of my life this year. A time where I felt I had everything I needed =)

I said before to a girl I once loved that our hearts are made of glass. Once it's being shattered, no matter how we piece it back together, the cracks will always be there. Only with extreme heat can the glass be blown back together to form a perfect heart once again. And the heat would be love.

Nicole said to me the other time during the diving trip to move on especially if there's a right one waiting. She had seen many bitches around in her life. Things aren't that bad in my case for I know how the one I love really is. But I'll take a while to do just that. It ain't easy. We all know that. 有人说初恋是苦涩的。我终于相信这句话了。

Well but there are many things I can start to change already haha. To cut my hair for one? Maybe change a little things on my phone. Stop practising my guitar for a while 'cause the callus are quite painful? The 21st birthday present remains but the nature of it will be changed for certain. Maybe throw away some expired voucher and brochures? Those are the reasons why I said I was silly to Lynette, oh wells haha. But there are things which will always be kept by me. The sole note and box I got and probably all the exceptional memories I had =) Thank you for everything, they all meant so much to me. They really do =)

I have already accepted the outcome though not entirely due to some ends being left hanging but what my "acquired taste" this time was probably badminton haha. For someone who likes sports and stuff I guess that's as good a thing I could ask for? Let it be, Edwin. Let it be.

回忆里想起模糊的小时候
云朵漂浮在蓝蓝的天空
那时候的你说
要和我手牵手
一起走到时间的尽头

从此以后我都不敢抬头看
彷佛我的天空失去了颜色
从那一天起
我忘记了呼吸
眼泪啊永远不再
不再哭泣

我们的爱
过了就不再回来
直到现在
我还默默的等待
我们的爱我明白
已变成你的负担
只是永远
我都放不开
最后的温暖.....
你给的温暖

不要再问你是否爱我
现在我想要自由的天空
远离开这被捆绑的世界
不再寂寞...

2010-07-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I'm vexed to the max =( I really really want to know what's happening to you. I wish i could help in any way I can. But it's good that I got a message through this time though.

Whatever is the outcome, I'll accept it as long as you're happy. But I treasure honesty just as much as you do. I really wish you all the best alright =) but please, I do wish to have a chat with you if you ever see this. For now, let's just let things be. It's gonna take me time to get out of this misery but I wouldn't mind my misery if you attain your own happiness.

I know I cannot be selfish. In fact there isn't any leeway for me to be in any case. It hurts, it's painful because of certain words said to me just before we parted our ways and it seems as though those very words never seemed to exist at all. I'll really appreciate it a lot if we could talk things out after things have settled down for you. Yep, jia you okay =) Give you all my luck.

True love does not die as time goes by.

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
Oh but often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Oh until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words
More words than I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now,
Oh love, no
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore, mmm...
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you have to go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see me now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally, out of words

2010-07-18T11:37:00.004+08:00

I just chanced upon something that I didn't exactly want to see on fb written 9 hours ago. I'm not sure what to think of it but I suppose I'm not going to read too much into it. One of my resolutions. But if it ever was true, I'm certain I'll need a good chat about it =/

You'll Never Walk Alone. It doesn't just symbolize the LFC tagline but something more literal too.

2010-07-17T23:17:00.003+08:00

My back pain is quite irritating. Only happens during dance and hopefully it stays that way. If my condition deteriorates till it affects my daily activities I'd probably not join DP this year already. I still wanna join DP simply because it meant a lot to me last year. Yep, I guess my performance impressed someone, not that it has a bearing on me anymore. I wish it did though.

Kind of tired with rag dance happening almost daily and don't really know how I should spend my time really. Other than hanging out with the VS boys and occasionally with Li Wei, I haven't been out at all. In fact hanging out with them isn't exactly considered going out haha.

Well holidays are drawing to an end real soon. Still have got some stuff to settle like some army stuff as well as packing my own room, or at least my old notes and planning for SEP. I've gotta move into hall real soon and I still prefer the comfort of my home. However, it's the last year for me in Eusoff Hall. I've decided not to stay on as the cost isn't quite justified by the convenience it gives. I could really do better to save up the money I spend on hall stay. Moreover, the full circle line would be complete by next year. If things go well, I'd be going for SEP in year 3 sem 1 as well so I wouldn't be around for long in hall anyways.

"Stop trying to fill your head with Science - for to fill your heart with love is enough" - Richard Feynman. Who better to pick this quote off than Desmond haha. Our residential scientist in US right now.

I guess I'm beginning to take things a little easier for myself. Or maybe I'm just hoping that I will. But I really wonder how you are doing =/

This song speaks volume.

喜欢你的头发喜欢你的脸颊
喜欢你微笑的时候眼里藏不住的光
喜欢你的害羞喜欢你的疯狂
想要一天二十四个小时守在你身旁

喜欢开你玩笑喜欢叫你傻瓜
喜欢吓你一跳的时候看你慌张的模样
喜欢搭你肩膀喜欢你会怕痒
喜欢趁你没有防备偷袭你的手指甲

想要抱你一下贴紧我的胸膛
想要告诉你这样下去不是办法
想要把你绑架想要带你回家
想要非常认真严肃的承诺地老天荒
想要非常认真严肃的承诺地老天荒

思念你令我惊慌想到你令我膨胀
你的每个笑容都会令我幸福的快爆炸
见你的时候我总是说些傻呼呼的蠢话
令我随时随地濒临疯狂

2010-07-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

Argh...no thanks to Shu Wen for bringing it up again. Wasn't particularly irritated or anything, just didn't like the way she said it initially. Well knowing her from EHOC last year, nothing surprising really. Well...it's always a case of too bad for me. I'm not quite frustrated about it but I think I will be on something related real soon.

It's great that I'm gonna play badminton tmr. Certainly need some sports to perk myself up. Gotta get back to swimming regularly real soon too!

Don't we all just love Jason Mraz?

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life it is...so... wonderful
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle
Wonderful

2010-07-13T13:11:00.003+08:00

Hmmm...these few weeks will be really tiring cos there's rag dance every single day, gotta travel to and fro all so often. Sometimes the dance prac is even shorter than my travelling time =/ ah well, can't be helped. But it most certainly is a kind of experience that I wanted to try. I did IFG and IHG as well as DP already. Left this and possibly an OCIP trip for me to complete whatever I think I wouldn't get to experience after leaving NUS. Yepz, so I'll continue to press on for sure haha. A lot of planning for the upcoming sems though. Very lazy to start zzz.

Can't really think of anyone to ask for the Jay Chou concert. Ben's been rather busy and although he did say he was able to make it but he can barely make it on the day itself. I guess I might well just leave the seat empty? In the first place, it was never meant for anyone else anyways =/

I wish I could be a campeone in my own right just like how the Spaniards did it. Getting through a really rough journey to being world champions and showing what their flashes of brilliance now and then.

2010-07-11T23:23:00.002+08:00

I'm really tired. Drained physically and somewhat mentally. Don't really know how to phrase my thoughts already. Just back from a 2 day trip to Malaysia and went straight to Xing Cai's birthday party for which I was late for cake cutting thanks to Nasrul's poor instructions haha. Damn. Then chiong-ed back and now I'm contemplating if I should drive down to Hanz place for the world cup final. Would have more atmosphere and stuff but I'm really tired, although feeling slightly better now.

Really, really tired now. A little down. Maybe. I don't really know. I guess it just isn't time yet eh. How I wished I could read minds. Well all I wanted to do was just to talk a little in the capacity of a friend :) just a little but I somehow feel really helpless. I guess I can't really rush things. I've never been in control of the pace from the beginning anyways. Seems like it's one step forward and two steps back for me =/ well I've already made a promise to myself though and I don't intend to break it.

不要害怕
不要害怕
爱一个人其实并不复杂
不要害怕
不要害怕
过去的眼泪用今天去擦
(我答应自己不要放弃
我答应自己不要忘记)

午夜的两点半
我走不进梦乡
时间在逃亡
悲伤还在原地方
我将一床被单
绞成混乱一片
爱已经灭亡
然而思念更坚强

闭上眼想一遍
你转身的模样
每一个角度
都好像一种飞翔
我因为看着你
回忆你而悲伤
是你在心里不断的想

2010-07-07T00:12:00.003+08:00

A little gesture may not mean much to one, but it goes a long way for another :) but nothing's gonna change ya? And as usual, some things are better left unsaid even though there're many things one wants to know.

2010-07-06T01:20:00.002+08:00

“It's hard to hold on to something that you know would never be yours in any way you think of. You just have to learn to let go and face the fact that while good things never last….some don’t even start…..”

我的天空多么的清晰
透明的承诺是过去的空气
牵着我的手是你
但你的笑容
却看不清

是否一颗星星变了心
从前的愿望
也全都给抛弃
最近我无法呼吸
连自己的影子
都想逃避 (逃避)

baby
你就是我的唯一
两个世界都变形
回去谈何容易
确定你就是我的唯一
独自对着电话说我爱你
我真的爱你
baby
我已不能爱你多一些
(其实早已超过了爱的极限)

2010-07-03T15:45:00.005+08:00

Prior to reading today's papers, I didn't think I would actually pen down my thoughts wandering in my mind at 4am this morning. I thought it'd all go away with a good night's rest, but apparently not.

The article wrote about a couple living in India, being plagued by the caste system, where they were married despite being in different castes and faced possible assault from the family of the upper caste. It sparked a thought in my mind of an issue in local context that singlehood is becoming more prominent in young adults and the age of first marriage just increases and increases etc etc. Nothing new really. One of the interviewed "old" singles mentioned that it is difficult to find the right person that you can really click with and one that you can really love.

Well I just thought, such a prevalent issue in Singapore regarding singlehood presented an entirely different problem in India. Such irony really. I would implore the families of the young couple to accept them if I could haha. It really is difficult to find someone you really love, isn't it? And since they did find each other in a sea of people, shouldn't they be given a chance? They are probably meant for each other and I can only wish them luck :)

This triggered a thought in my head. The good old me would probably have thought, hey what's wrong, why can't two people in love just stay together? Truth is, life is never always rosy, never expected. Most of the things we expect to happen do not happen or occur in a different way altogether. Life is complicated enough in itself. Coupled with relationships, it just gets even worse.

Undeniably, I had been living in denial all these while. It wasn't a case of me not being able to get over my woes. Instead, it was me not wanting to get over my own troubles. I'd never be able to dust it off my shoulder and tell myself it's all in the past and I should move on. I'd really prefer to keep it locked safely in a chest, in hope of the key bearer to open the chest someday.

I sort of understand how it feels when you put your heart and soul in a relationship and being unable to continue on due to certain circumstances. It is however, unlikely that I would be able to fully comprehend how someone else feels. It is easy to say that I just put myself in that someone's shoes. But when you have not went through the emotional turmoil and problems that happen in a life, it's always easier said than done. The time frame, the kind of life that leads up to our paths that crossed are things that I may never be able to fully understand. I can say that I had indeed tried my best to accommodate and try to understand her feelings but I couldn't do anything to make things more comforting and give the additional security that probably everyone needs.

I'm just glad that things are going well, perhaps not so for me though I wonder when will I finally be able to move on in life. Perhaps never. I've gotta say my head's learning to adapt already but maybe never for my heart. This statement might just consign me to the realms of misery for as long as it stands, probably wouldn't get another chance to meet and it might just plague my sentiments in time to come.

Undoubtedly, I've grown in maturity and I see many things in a different light already. My priorities will remain the same though. I don't see myself changing in that aspect really haha. I've really gotta say sorry to my head. For now and probably forever, my heart will always overrule my head :)

风吹落最后一片叶我的心也飘着雪
爱只能往回忆里堆叠 oh~ 给下个季节
忽然间树梢冒花蕊我怎么会都没有感觉
oh~ 整条街都是恋爱的人我独自走在暖风的夜

多想要向过去告别当季节不停更迭 oh~
却还是少一点坚决在这寂寞的季节

艳阳高照在那海边爱情盛开的世界
远远看着热闹一切 oh~ 我记得那狂烈
窗外是快枯黄的叶感伤在心中有一些 oh~
我了解那些爱过的人心是如何慢慢在凋谢

多想要向过去告别当季节不停更迭 oh~
却永远少一点坚决在这寂寞的季节

又走过风吹的冷冽最后一盏灯熄灭
从回忆我慢慢穿越在这寂寞的季节
还是寂寞的季节一样寂寞的季节

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

2010-06-30T23:50:00.003+08:00

Badminton is damn fun. After a two week lay off, playing badminton again was really enjoyable. Can't wait for badminton on friday again. Maybe it's because of the new racket I got cos the string on Ben's one broke and restringing plus new grip kinda pricey, decided to get a flymax racket. Din know wad brand it was until I googled it. Singapore brand lol hope it's good man. But I guess the company of my sec school clique matters too. It'd be fun with my hall dudes and...yea.

Dance is taking a toll on my body again, now having doubts abt dp plus my plummeting grades hmmm...and also...

Well this quote suddenly came to my mind today. Was a quote from a family member of one of the unfortunate victims in the Hillsborough disaster. Time does not heal your wounds, it just helps you deal better with it. How true can it be.

海的思念绵延不绝
终于和天在地平线交会
爱如果走得够远
应该也会跟幸福相见

承诺常常很像蝴蝶
美丽的飞盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言
就像一定会来的春天

我始终带着你爱的微笑
一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑过嘴角
就用你握过的手抹掉

再多的风景也从不停靠
只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好
但就是谁都替代不了

在最开始的那一秒有些事早已经注定要到老
虽然命运爱开玩笑真心会和真心遇到

2010-06-28T21:46:00.002+08:00

I haven't been myself since god knows when. Well maybe it isn't tt bad but it does feel pretty distant. Yea, I'm not happy. End of the argument. No doubts about it. The moments of joy and happiness I have now is sporadic, and they are just moments and temporary. They aren't gonna last. I of all people should know best.

Honestly, it's been difficult for me to deal with this distance. I haven't found a way to deal with it. It hurts and I know how it would hurt the most for myself. I just don't want to jinx it. My life has been filled with plenty of what ifs up till now. And I can foresee myself continuing the trend with many more what ifs playing through my head, of whatever is going to happen in the future. I dread to think of most of them but the possibilities are so real. And I do know that with my current mentality, the distance would only grow further. But one of the last things I could do was to give myself a big fat lie that I couldn't care less. It's just not something I can do. Neither can I give myself some pseudo hope that I know doesn't exist. Miserable. Me that is.

I want to grow and mature, to learn how to handle things in a better manner. Till then, I'll just continue to keep everything to myself and continue to keep the distance. But I know I still want to keep some faith. Faith that has been right there since the beginning. Faith in the words of someone and most of all in myself. No regrets till the end because that's the choice I wanted, the choice I made.

爱你
不是因为你的美和影
我越来越爱你
每个眼神触动我的心
因为你让我看见 forever
才了解自己
未来这些日子
要好好珍惜
爱我
有些痛苦有些不公平
如果真的爱我
不是理所当然的决定
感到你的呼吸在我耳边
像微风深情
温柔的安抚
我的不安定
所以我要
每年研究你的笑容

多么自然
Forever love forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后
你会是所有
幸福的理由

爱情
是场最美最远的旅行
沿途遇经泥泞
偶尔阻碍我们的前进
感到你的体温在我怀里
像阳光和煦
巧妙的熔化
我的不安定
不可思议
证明我爱你的理由

你感动的眼睛
我沉默的声音
仿佛就是最好的证明
就让我再说一次
I love you
直到永远
Oh
Forever love
Forever love
Forever love

2010-06-26T21:37:00.004+08:00

Somedays I'd be worried. There'll be the days that I'll be worried sick. Sometimes I'd just be worried and on other days I'll be cool about it. Your mind and heart are just two so illogical things. They actually be be fully dissected and explained but never fully understood. Guess that explains my illogical actions. My blog has recently been filled with emo posts. Never actually found much reason to blog when I was actually happy. You can lie to yourself but not to your heart.

I promised myself I will never open my heart ever again. It belongs to one person and one person only. I would continue to believe, continue to wait, continue to love, till the day I know I'm no longer wanted, no longer needed and no longer loved.

When the visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength
I'll give you hope
Keeping your faith that has gone
The one you should call
Was standing here all along

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow
Forever has now begun

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no...)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no...)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...

2010-06-25T22:56:00.002+08:00

Well I certainly had fun during scamp, made new friends in the seniors and also met interesting freshies. I just keep learning things throughout my experiences :) Definitely an enjoyable experience although it was really tiring. I would consider joining scamp again next year for sure. Had a shocking realization when I reached home but it kind of cld be inferred eh.

Many nights we pray
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles when you believe (when you believe)
Though hope is frail it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve (you can achieve)
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
And now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near

There can be miracles (miracles)
When you believe (when you believe)
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve (you can achieve)
When you believe somehow you will
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

You will when you believe
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believe

2010-06-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

Well...I honestly am at a slight loss of words now. Well not tt it has struck me so hard but I guess I just can't describe how things are even for myself right now. I can feel the self-anesthesia creeping into my body alr but I'm trying hard to fight it cos it's no longer the way I wanna handle things. I'm not going to be an escapist. I'll just take things as they come and face up to my own emotions. No matter how long it takes, no matter what it takes and no matter where it would bring me to at the end of the road.

With that I've come out with 3 final resolutions for myself to improve myself. First would be to change my character somewhat. To become less cynical of others and more trusting of others. Not doubting what people mean behind their words and believing in others more. Giving myself and others a little more faith.

Next would be to be more decisive in basically everything. It isn't actually a case of myself not being decisive but rather that I'm really fine with anything most of the time, so I'd prefer to let others state their preference and go along with it somehow.

Lastly would be always to seek to improve myself. Mostly as a person, maybe being less self critical which I always like to do so. I should give myself constructive criticism instead of just being erm...self critical haha. Can't find a better phrase at the spur of the moment man.

Football was as usual, but we were late, I forgot my socks and I had a terrible diarrhoea. Managed to get about a half in though, lost but kept a respectable scoreline. Was the first game in 3 weeks though.

Watched a movie today. After a really long time. Not under the circumstances tt I wld wanna watch it for sure. But I guess it's alright really. Anyway Li Wei asked if I wanted to watch sex and the city 2. And I was like whoa...it was really something I wanted to catch but...I know it had alr became something that I didn't really wanted to watch anymore. In the end I went ahead with it cos, I wanted to see how it was. I wanted to know how it felt watching it. It was great really, can't really catch some of the more erm bitchy stuff I guess haha but the show was certainly heartwarming and well it was a little heart wrenching to me though. Just a little cos some things they did kind of reminded me of things. Yeah things.

Well the previous movie I watched was really great. Yep haha. It was something heart wrenching yes, a little difficult to take in at the end. But the process of watching was most definitely heart warming. It was Remember Me. Remember me. That's something I could never forget. Not in a lifetime. It has never been made clearer to myself by myself. And wait I shall.

天空不断下着无声的雪
而我只有思念
勉强能温暖黑夜
拥抱离我已经千山万水
每个男人都有
说不出的心碎 oh yeah

我还爱着一个人但愿
回到美好的从前
也许痛的感觉
证明了爱的深浅
不然为什么我还不撤退 oh～

记得爱所有幸福的片段
所以才一直忘记要离开
伸出手继续勇敢付出我的爱
原地不动的等待
就算风把我的头发吹乱

记得爱是我给过的答案
就不再考虑应该不应该
一滴泪落进无边无际的大海
至少我们都活得没有遗憾
只要记得爱就无所谓孤单

2010-06-19T21:33:00.003+08:00

Sigh, looking back and reflecting, i don't really know wad to say abt myself anymore. Have I been foisting my emotions and thoughts about too much? I guess so. My ranting was pretty much uncalled for either...Terribly terrible, myself that is.

I'm tired...and just as clueless as I was before. And there's science camp coming up soon. I'm sure I'll enjoy it but I'd very much prefer if I had the chance to handle my own pressing issue first =/ and yea the pay from the camp so long ago doesn't matter to me anymore...

I guess I have to let things settle down before I'll be able to look past the curtain of silence.

2010-06-18T17:49:00.002+08:00

I stepped out of my house for less than 5 hours to go to hall for rag dance practice and also to get my hair trimmed on the way back and it got me pondering with all sorts of comments from different ppl.

When I first stepped into the dance studio with Lynette, Wei Jie asked why I always attended prac with her. I knew what he was hinting at the moment the words left his lips but I just said some crap though. He probably was half joking only la but I'm kind of not in the mood for these kind of stuff. Well I can consider Lynette as one of my best female frens in NUS for sure, worked quite closely with her on a number of occasions and that's all. Hey and I know Aaron okay, not like I dono him haha. It was possibly just a passing remark but did it show a tinge of cynicism in us? I guess I do put myself in such a light at times, don't I?

As I exited the dance studio with Lynette, Shu Wen and Xue Rong I was kind of thinking back the few times I was at KRT and yea saw Shu Wen that once. I wonder if it was fate or just a coincidence, she had to ask a qn tt I just blurted no more alr. I did look at Lynette in the eye for a moment too. And I had to follow up with a "it's okay la". Yep knowing her, it wasn't something bad. Sometimes ignorance is really bliss eh.

And yes, the hairdresser i went to. They're really nice, although I've been visiting them frequently for abt 6 years? Don't know whether to call it long or short but they've been v nice all these while and yea they kind of spoke in mandarin only. I just wanted to make my hair thinner today but the lady boss asked if I wanted to change my image. Change my image indeed. Never thought of anything along those lines. Just wanted to keep my hair longer this time. And see how things go. I wonder why.

Hmm...don't really know how I should feel right now though. Things just aren't as simple as they used to be anymore.

2010-06-18T00:45:00.005+08:00

Three months have passed, and yea I haven't changed one bit have I? I think the only positive I can draw from it is that I never had a change of heart, not once. And tt my birthday wish came true, half of it at least. Yep but plenty of negatives to take home. For example, my way of handling things is just like an infant. Unknowing and yea causing so much damage to everyone. For that I can only apologize. I'm sorry.

But things have come to a point where...I don't really know what's happening already. Why has things come to this state? The natural conclusion wld be tt I did something wrong. But what? I have many postulates running through my head but none tt I'm certain of. More and more questions are forming in my mind and without any answers, I think it'd explode soon. I don't know what the future beckons. I'm honestly a little afraid of knowing what's coming up although it seems that I'll probably not know after all. It might be a case of me being oversensitive but I am really not v sure abt tt.

I wonder if I'm being cynical now also. But judging from how things are going, I think the promise one month ago seems to have disappeared into thin air. The future really seems so bleak and the worst thing is I have no idea what's happening. I know most of our worries aren't true at all and I really hope tt I'm just oversensitive and a worrywart as I am at times. But hardly talking or even msging for more than 3 weeks...it constitutes to being somewhat less than a friend even though I did attempt to talk a little here and there, doesn't it? I don't know. I just feel lost and I don't wanna bug and be an irritant at the same time.

I haven't asked myself this question for a long time alr. What is the meaning of life? I guess I know what it is in my heart, which makes things more unbearable for me. Oh god, why do I even exist in the first place?

I know I promised to be happy but I just can't feel any happiness in the long run. In the short run yes, I'm laughing enjoying myself with my frens here and there during camps etc but deep inside I can still feel the tears welling up somewhere inside. It just isn't going well for me, not in this state but I guess it just shows the importance to me. I have been trying to deal with it. It's improving but I don't want my self defence mechanism to force myself to forget what's happened and numb myself to the one I love. And yes I'm afraid that prolonged distance wld make us drift further and further until we wldn't keep in contact anymore.

I know I ought to believe and have some faith. Cld I get a direction from some divine intervention somehow? cos I'm kinda lost. I'm just clinging on to a certain thing called "hope".

Well enough of ranting alr I guess, sigh gotta thank Ben for always being there for me man. He's been awesome. There's been heavy rain in recent days and I can't help but think abt how things are going in malaysia. I'll pray for safety and for no torrential rains in malaysia, hopefully there's no mountain climbing too.

爱一个人
需要缘分
你何苦让自己
越陷越深
别傻得用你的天真去碰触不安的灵魂
每一天只能痴痴的等
爱一个人别太认真
你受伤的眼神令人心疼
没有一个人
非要另一个人
才能过一生
你又何苦逼自己
面对伤痕

我知道你很难过
感情的付出不是真心就会有结果
别问怎么做爱才能长久
这道理有一天你会懂
我知道你很难过
昨天是恋人今天说分说就分手
别问你的痛要怎么解脱
多情的人注定伤得比较久

爱若变成了刺
思念也成了痴
也许心碎是爱情最美的样子

2010-06-15T11:32:00.003+08:00

When I couldn't sleep this morning, the only thought running through my mind was why...why?

Somehow I have a feeling that the callus growing on my fingertips would never bear fruit.

夜里传来雨的声音
轻轻拨动心的旋律
情不自禁想起你
那些甜蜜的回忆
总是不小心就淋湿了我的眼睛

爱情需要一些呼吸
偶尔保持一点距离
回到朋友的关系
任你自由的来去
从此想念你只能放在我心里

你还爱我吗
一直好想问你这句话
却又怕
听到你真实的回答
你还爱我吗
为何你总是不说话
眼看我为爱不爱挣扎
你爱我吗

好久没有你的消息
心里还惦记着你
在这冷冷的夜里
感觉那么的熟悉
好想再见你想听听你的声音

感情的路总让人好无助
我会学着面对独处
给深爱的你祝福

你还爱我吗
我一直好想问你这句话
却又怕
听到你真实的回答
你还爱我吗
这是我唯一的牵挂
不管你会有什么回答
我会一直等你
你还爱我吗

2010-06-10T22:36:00.003+08:00

As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. How true it is. And how I wished it goes both ways.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

2010-06-05T18:24:00.002+08:00

Having had some revelations in recent weeks, I have a single resolution for myself. It's gonna be really tough but I've gotta stick to it. Honestly, I'd have hoped it wasn't needed but it is and so be it.

Saw something on fb just now. Just a small line, something minor, something I had already knew but still it hurts. I mean I cld well do the same but it's entirely meaningless to me. Nothing tt I wanted to be, nothing tt I wanted to see but really...I have absolutely no idea where I stand now. Not at all. I really want to know. Do I even mean anything now? I wonder...

There's really so much I want to do and so much tt I want to find out but no, I can't...I've gotta stick to my resolution and wait...tt's all I can do now. It's really a test of my patience, something tt I never really had, which I acquired just recently. Sometimes, I wonder if patience is enough right now. I wonder, yet again. As usual, some things are clear as day to me.

And ya tmr the team's not playing but Alex kinda wanna get all of us to play after a really long time. I'll probably go la. Supposed to be a joyous occasion right? I guess haha. If only.

Yet another oldie but this one I've really got nothing to say about it. It's just beautiful :) and it's everything I feel now. It's not changing anytime soon and it feels like it's never gonna be.

When winter comes in summer
When theres no more forever
Yeah, that's when I'll stop loving you

That's when I'll stop loving you
I'm sure you've heard these words before
And I know it's hard for you to trust them once more
You're afraid it all might end
And a broken heart is scared of breaking again
But you've gotta believe me
I'll never leave you
You'll never cry long as I am there
And I will always be there
You will never be without love

When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
When lies become the truth
Oh you know then baby,
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you
That's when I'll stop loving you

As long as sunlight lights the sky
Light of love will be found in these eyes of mine (these eyes of mine)
And I will shine that light for you
You're the only one, I'll ever give this heart to
What I'm trying to say is, nothing will change this (ahh..)
There'll be no time you won't find me there (find me there)
Cause I will always be there
You will always have all my love

And when this world doesn't turn anymore
When the stars all decide to stop shining
Til then I'm gonna to be by your side
Gonna be loving you forever
Every day of my life

Well you know then baby
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you

That's when I'll stop babe
I'll stop babe
Loving you

2010-06-04T23:36:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling tired. I guess. After staying at home the whole day other than updating my passbook. My rib's still in pain, especially when I take in quick, deep breaths but I guess I'll just continue on with the game on Sunday. I really want to blog about rafa's departure from Liverpool FC but I kinda don't have the mood to. The me of yesteryears would have penned down my thoughts immediately upon knowing the news. But I'm no longer the same me. Football is just a part of my life, no longer something THAT impt. I know what's my priority now. At least I know what I want the most, that's for certain.

Shd I have been happy with a single msg, hmmmm I wonder. At least it wasn't dead silence this time round. Well I gave my word tt I'd be just fine and happy. I wldn't say tt it's a lie for certain. Half of me knows tt I'm alr lucky to have had close to 2 mths of joy and blessing. And of course there's nothing to complain abt the current state of my life in almost every way. I'm really lucky already. However, the other half of my heart tells me that I'll never be happy with what's happening now and a part of myself is missing, somewhere. Will it be back? No prizes for guessing though haha. But I'm okay, I'm doing fine but probably not doing great. Not just yet I suppose.

A borrowed song this time haha. Oh well but it's a nice song for sure, quite apt too.

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends
free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been
then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
trying my best to understand all that your love can bring

oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
half of my heart takes time
half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
that I can't keep loving you
oh, with half of my heart

I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else
I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came
showing me a better way and all that my love can bring

your faith is strong
but I can only fall short for so long
time will hold, later on
you will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart
but I can't stop loving you
but I can't stop loving you
but I can't stop loving you with half of my heart

half of my heart's got a real good imagination
half of my heart's got you
half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
that half of my heart won't do

half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
and half of my heart is the part of a man who's never truly loved anything

2010-06-01T23:35:00.003+08:00

Sigh...a short 2-3 minute reflection in the car made me realize some stuff. I wonder if it's too little too late. As KT said, I probably crossed the line after things ended. Asking myself, what have I done right after that fateful day? Almost nothing and almost everything was done wrongly or I carried myself in a wrong way. Either being over concerned or poking my nose into things that are no longer an entitlement to me. I have to know where I stay but yep it may be too late that I've realized it. I had been nothing short of a pest. If this continues on, I really have got nothing to say and no one else to blame but myself. I thoroughly deserve this outcome.

Sometimes on my emo days, which occurs once in a while I just feel that I'd be better off dead. Things feel so dreary and terrible. Seemed like life's not worth the living at times. Not tt I'd really look for my death, not something I'd actually do but I get the mentality that it doesn't matter if I'm not around anymore. I guess it's normal eh, but after a night's rest I'll normally feel better the next day ya.

Really, really regret alr. In our bro language, it's self-pwned. Yep some things are really not within my control but I blew practically everything that was within my reach and whatever that I could effect a change on. I probably lost my respect and god knows what else I've lost. Regret, regret. If I could turn back time, I'll definitely do things and conduct myself in a different way :( too little too late for me. Has the Time Traveler's Wife been read? Somehow, I envy Henry DeTamble in the book. Although he time traveled consistently, he managed to find his true love and they stayed together all the way. Despite the not-so-happy ending, he still had a beautiful life in my opinion. If only I could time travel like him to undo my wrongdoings. Would I ever have a fulfilling life like his?

Yea I constantly think about Final Fantasy VIII. The reason why I liked it the most out of the Final Fantasy series was probably due to the love story of Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartily. How Squall's personality was vastly transformed after meeting Rinoa. The first of any FF series that had such a story which was somewhat in depth. I don't know, I really am clueless sometimes. About myself and about my Rinoa. I miss you but there's nothing I can do about it but I know now, I'll be careful. Careful not to go overboard or do anything wrong. I've learnt my lesson already. A painful one indeed.

疲倦的背包它不问我是否寂寥
无奈的手表孤单地走过每一秒
阳光静悄悄街上有人拥抱我听得到
没有人知道口袋里我藏着你的味道

想见你没有你城市再炫也没意义
热闹的全都是你幻影
想见你心太急狂奔拥挤的人群里
多希望下一秒就见到你

天虽然很高思念像云笼罩我很低潮
我所有沉默如果你看得到给我拥抱
微风轻轻飘寂寞在笑声里默默喧闹
只有我知道不需要再寻找谁的依靠

想见你没有你每天生活只剩呼吸
闭上眼晃动的全都是你
想见你我的心其实从来不曾离去
这一生只想和你在一起 (全世界最重要的就是你)

2010-05-31T23:19:00.002+08:00

Two words. Utterly ignored. I'm honestly a little unsure but I guess I can only say I brought this upon myself =/ as I said, what a lousy guy am I. Nothin much I can do already ba...hai~~realised things too little too late. I can only hope all's not lost but...I don't really know what to do anymore. Well the results came out today. Did worse than the first sem but I'm kinda numb to this kinda feeling alr. And it doesn't really matter much to me no? Yea it doesn't really. What a double whammy today, not tt I didn't see some of it coming my way at least. Too bad for me, just too bad. Why do I always carry this feeling of regret wherever I go? It's difficult but I just gotta deal with it. I wish I cld see the light at the end of the tunnel but no. I'm sorry...

Swimming was just fine. Went to Hanz place for a bit, listened to him and also to his myriad of english songs. Picked one out of the whole lot. Too bad I din bring any thumbdrive or external hdd to kope his songs. From John Mayer. Perfectly lonely indeed.

Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game around town
Tore up my heart, and shut it down

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one but me
And that's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

I see friends around from time to time
When their ladies let them slip away
And when they ask me how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong

2010-05-30T18:54:00.002+08:00

My ribcage hurts. Got elbowed by some guy during soccer today. I think it's just bruised, nothing broken or wad. But It hurts when I take in a full breath. I still continued playing although it kinda hurt. Lost quite badly but the thing was we didn't play tt badly, seriously. But too bad. Got a few other niggling injuries like my gluteal muscle and my calf still v sore. Quite satisfied with my performance today but there's still room for improvement. I can do so much more.

Yeeeep. Gonna be too free for comfort next week. Got a few frens not in town hmmmm. Gotta find something to occupy myself. Can't just hang ard and waste my life away at home. Of course I have productive things to do at home too, just not tt many haha.

Gonna go swim with hanz tmr at tampines. Qutie far but beats swimming at my condo pool and it's time for me to go out a little and hang out rather than soak in the "atmosphere" of my house eh haha.

你的拥抱像微风经过了树梢
轻轻吹着那一边等待你的懊恼
等了多久用不着让你知道
因为爱你比我重要

你说抱歉我觉得总是忘不掉
我只能用微笑来掩饰那种难熬
有的悲伤总不想让你看到
你的快乐比我重要

我对你太在意
这辈都舍不得用力
怕你又被伤了心
如果我挥不去
多努力的爱你
直到都闭不上回忆
我我还是愿意
陪着你忘记

街上的这一场雨还在下
我看着你的泪流
我用温柔
代替回答

2010-05-29T22:38:00.003+08:00

Argh, damn sian damn nua now. Sometimes I feel it wld be better if i'm not ard at all. And the crappy weather isn't doing me any favours. Vvv warm and humid. I dono why man. I keep thinking, thinking and thinking of many, many things. Only thing I can look fwd to is to playing soccer tmr. Think I gotta get myself out of the house sometime if not I'll go crazy man. This is preeeeeeetty bad though it isn't too bad.

Well I'm tired. Slept less than 4 hours and it was interrupted into 2 2h naps. Cldn't nap in the afternoon either. Sighz. Hope I can slp earlier today but the weather's really terrible.

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面
拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐
回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
又何必去改变已错过的时间
你用你的指尖阻止我说再见
想象你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

2010-05-29T00:34:00.006+08:00

Why do I feel so sian at homeeeeeeeee??? Really daaaaaaamn sian. Half half la. But I don't feel so shitty although I know I'm kind of an idiot still haha. Gotta laugh at myself no doubt. Sometimes I just cuss and swear at myself like nobody's business. Well it isn't anybody's isn't it? Yea sometimes just feeling like killing myself too. Zzz. Sometimes i don't need someone to tell me "I hate you" At times I really just hate myself to the core. But this time I really gotta put my hand up and admit my mistake. Undoubtedly.

My dad sent me email with the following words. I think these words pretty meaningful.
你改變不了環境，但可以改變自己；
你改變不了事實，但可以改變態度；
你改變不了過去，但可以改變現在；
你不能控制他人，但可以掌握自己；
你不能預知明天，但可以把握今天；
你不能樣樣順利，但可以事實盡心；
你不能左右天氣，但可以改變心情；
你不能改變容貌，但可以展現笑容；
是的，心態有時比什麼都重要。

你总是心太软心太软
独自一个人流泪到天亮
你无怨无悔的爱着那个人
我知道你根本没那么坚强

你总是心太软心太软
把所有问题都自己扛
相爱总是简单相处太难
不是你的就别再勉强

夜深了你还不想睡
你还在想着他吗
你这样痴情到底累不累
明知他不会回来安慰

只不过想好好爱一个人
可惜他无法给你满分
多余的牺牲他不懂心疼
你应该不会只想做个好人

喔算了吧
就这样忘了吧该放就放
再想也没有用
傻傻等待他也不会回来
你总该为自己想想未来

2010-05-28T14:16:00.002+08:00

I'm beginning to blog more than I ever used to. Hmmm...

Anyways ytd was crazily tiring for me. With the fatigue from the camp, I dragged myself to badminton at yck sports hall where most ppl were late, I wasn't an exception though but we didn't have any shuttles when I reach =/ plus the silence in my mobile right in the morn was unbearable. It was fun for sure and I improved a lot from the previous time I played but my basics and technique is still pretty bad, gotta work on it ya.

Then went to Xavier's place to play mahjong again. Had terrible luck this time round but I was kinda numb to the feeling of losing. It kind of didn't matter to me at all. I wonder why.

Come night time, I had yet another 2 hours of sports. Soccer this time and I cld feel the lactic on my legs alr haha. Was certainly fun but oh wells. I wasn't feeling so bad at night alr.

I'm still pretty tired now, will prob take another day to run off the exhaustion in my body yea...but I'm kinda bored at home and yet I still don't really feel like going to ubin next week hmmm...aiya a bit sian I know but I'm quite silly as usual haha.

My mum asked if I wanted to go to the Thai temple nearby to pray a little just now but I was feeling really lazy just now and just plain tired. I also thought tt praying wldn't really help me, wld it? Honestly, I don't really have any faiths but I do believe there's a higher order being somewhere up there to explain the inexplicable happenings happening ard. And some stuff wldn't get better just by praying. Tt I know as much.

The wife of the late Dr Goh Keng Swee said "If you do things out of love, it is a pleasure and not a chore." It's a statement tt's very true. So very true.

在水里在火里
我的爱不偏不倚
就算时光倒回去
我也追到石器世纪

在风里在雨里
你的雨伞吹翻过去
我绝对毫不犹豫
为你披上我的外衣

是你让我看透生命这东西
四个字坚持到底
如果没有你
我的生活回到一片狼藉
是你让我翻破爱情的秘笈
四个字坚持到底
不管有多苦
我会全心全力
爱你到底 (坚持到底)

当你看进我的眼里
我的心颤抖不已
请让温柔的说一句
感觉累的时候
让我抱紧

2010-05-26T23:32:00.002+08:00

Kinda forgot to mention on the previous post abt little Alan. He certainly has matured in some sense, being somewhat less wilful and playful, being a little more obedient and less mischievious. Time really flies, he's alr pri 3 this year. Having watched him grow up all these years, I'm honestly happy tt he's grown out of being a brat. Not entirely but tt's definitely a good beginning, which makes him a lot more lovable :)

The bulk of this post shd really go to the past three days I spent in Sarimbun as a camp trainer with Innotrek. Having been called upon last minute on sunday night, I rushed to pack my bag for the 3 days 2 nights camp. Generally, it has been fulfilling for me for sure. I had great fun with group 3, getting to know v lovable kids and some not so lovable ones haha. This experience definitely helps me in my teaching career in the future. I still haven't decided if I'd stay in that line for long but I'll see how things go first.

In all honesty, day 1 was quite a drag as I was entirely new to this camp facilitator thingy, being v unsure of the camp surroundings and what to do, etc etc. With many doubts in my head, plus the high element activites which were extremely draining on me, I found myself feeling really tired at the end of day 1. There was a tinge of regret in my decision at that point in time. That I've gotta admit as much. The debrief and stuff after settling the campers was particularly tiring as well. And a lot of things kind of didn't go smoothly and we had to improvise here and there, making things even more difficult as I was kinda unsure of some stuff. But well, I learnt quite a bit there for sure.

Day 2 was much better, with the water activities being particularly enjoyable but the cleaning up of my shoes after that and at home was terrible. Absolutely. The track shoes don't seem v usable anymore zzz but i tink still can la. Drying in my kitchen right now haha, along with my court shoes, which I needa use tmr!! Anyways, the rest of the activities was kinda self run. Outdoor cooking was a mess and I made a mistake then which was not v nice to a few of the campers but yea I've learnt from it for sure. The rest were pretty dry but still okay. Kind of tired throughout due to the lack of slp. Campfire was quite good. Felt tt the "emcees" were fantastic. Really. Kind of an eye opener in some sense. I cld certainly pick up some stuff from them haha :)

Day 3 was a drag cos of the clean up but in the end, we got the job done. Yes haha, a bit sad that I din get to talk to the grp properly before we bade farewell but I guess I'll just email them the photo i took of them. Din have time to take one tgt with them but too bad for myself haha. Din bring camera also, used my hp sia.

Have badminton tmr, hopefully my shoes can dry if not i gotta use my adidas shoes not meant for sports =.=" cui man haha.

Feeling a little down now, maybe cos of post camp blues and maybe cos the weather is a little humid. And prob just a little cos of myself yep. But it's just too bad for myself I'd say. Too bad. Too lousy.

泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过
究竟是谁放掉这段感情

我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已掏空
真心话言不由衷

2010-05-23T21:23:00.003+08:00

My skin is finally peeling from the sunburn haha. Took one week man. Oh wells, I took a nap before last night's ucl but the nap lasted until today morn =.=" argh missed the ucl final but nvm la wasn't really tt upz cos don't have teams tt I liked. But I like Mourinho, as usual he's as cool as a cucumber. What a manager he is. Haha.

Anyways today's soccer was okay la. Not bad but played like crap. Made an assist but the third goal we conceded was cos of me =/ kind of still had muscle aches from ytd's basketball escapade but wasn't too bad I guess. Yea got tackled by some idiot and he left stud marks on my ankle. Good thing my ankle's flexible if not it cld well have been fractured. A bit swollen but it's okay i tink, gotta see how it goes tmr. And I tink the tackle kind of made my right knee sore too. What an eventful day haha. I hope will recover soon though it isn't v serious. Yep must be prepared for badminton on thursdayyyyyyyyyy. The hall dudes shd be not too bad eh haha.

Visited gma today. Sigh...I see three different kinds of walking sticks in the living room. Although I didn't see her use any of them today, I guess it is there for a reason though. It's painful to see that she isn't in the pink of health anymore but the good thing is that she looks fine. I know what cld make her happy but oh wells, it's no longer within my reach anymore.

Time to run more to improve my fitness and swim too. Apparently swimming doesn't improve my running stamina tt much hmmmm...my back's kinda crocked too but i tink shd be fine after a night of rest.

V old, v emo but v nice song haha.

心若倦了泪也干了
这份深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮暮与朝朝
这一份情永远难了
原来时还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切我不知道
回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了今夜的你应该明了
愿难了情难了

2010-05-22T23:15:00.002+08:00

Well was certainly a fine day heh, was really fiiiiiiiine the whole day pretty alright really, just a little tiring cos of the lack of slp. And yes last night before slp was a major frustration!! Irritating.

First, thx for the msg in the morning, was a really nice gesture =) and yep I'm fine, even managed to play mahjong and bball today. Many thx to Xavier, Qi Xiang and David especially :) Physically fine. Emotionally was a self-jack with me aiming jibes at myself to the amusement of the mahjong khakis (did I spell it right?) haha. Yea guess it's a sign of me being fiiiiine and okaaaaay. Was really lucky during mahjong. Honestly haven't played for a long time, and I nv really played regularly before. Oh wells my good luck kind of covered my lack of skill though. Kind of won but I do wish I had better luck in other areas. Sigh...okay la don't really gamble tt much anyways, but I shd be happy with any luck I have now, not always you get any at all, as always.

Basketball was pretty fun buuuuuuut as usual it's a sport tt I'm rather rusty at. Nv play regularly for years man. Damn, I'm really out of touch with too many sports for too long zzz. Pretty bad at a lot of them now. terri-bler. Oh yea, my bball shoes just totally cranked up and yea gone liao haha. Nv really used them anyways so I wasn't tt bothered by it.

Back home was goooood. Plain home cooked chicken rice. Hmmmmm chicken wasn't too bad but rice was erm...blend considering I had to put chilli halfway through the meal and yea, I don't really eat chilli cos I like to taste the original flavour of the food. Speaks volumes of its taste but hey, I'm beginning to enjoy home cooked food more :) and yep the meiji yogurt was niiiiiiice. Don't know why but our fridge is kinda stocked with yogurt recently. Surprisingly the one who buys the yogurt isn't me o.O yea my mum. And only both of us eat it. We don't have much ard either. Gives a bitter sweet taste to me although I love its physical taste :)

Kind of tired now. Shd I still watch ucl? Yes, the final comes once a year only. No, I've got a match tmr and I'm quite tired. The final answer is yes I'll nap I tink...pigggggg.

Used to like Jimmy Lin when I was a young kid. Thought he was great. And yea he probably still is but as I grew older I realised his songs weren't tt nice. Maybe because I've grown to appreciate songs in a different way? Or maybe his songs are just kind of "outdated" in some sense. But this is certainly one of the few songs I still like now, v meaningful indeed.

说好了不回头
不想承诺缘份尽了你别过头
如果还有什么
值得我逗留我想是你爱过我

只是路无尽头
都是路过什么感受我能带走
眼泪可以不流
心碎不能救
看我能否得自由
当我松开你的手
一些风沙哽住眼眸
爱你最后一幕却模糊带过
不让疼痛有路追究

我不后悔我曾爱过
只是天涯从此寂寞
远去的渡口彼岸的灯火
人在河流只许漂泊

我不后悔被你爱过
只是不能爱到最后
短暂的幸福拥有就足够
只要舍得就会快乐会快乐

2010-05-21T20:38:00.003+08:00

Well for some reason, was feeling kind of unwell last night before going to bed. I guess it was the prolonged exposure to air con ytd.

I guess I kinda feel more relieved today :) I don't know why, really haha. But I feel better. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Can I say I'm okay? I think I can haha. Was it tt Xavier jio-ed me for wonderful tau sah piah? Unlikely, but it cld be a reason. Was it my short visit to Ben's place? Might be a build up to tt feeling as well. I really don't know. Man's emotions are just a crazy little thing. One day it cld be as low as hell but the next it cld be flying in the skies freely, not necessarily positive but still a refreshing feeling for me.

I guess the long walk I took to Ben's place kinda put me in place. Put some thought into what I had done. One word. Rubbish. Realised what I lacked in and yea I kind of regained my composure alr.

I had used my heart too much all along, it's time to use my head a little ya? Silly boy. I used to always harp on a line. Have a little faith. Easy for me to say but I never really did follow what I preached, did I? A big fat no is the answer. The ugly truth to myself. I sucked, tt much I admit but I'm gonna stop the rot and not let tt continue any longer. No point for me to rush things. It isn't gonna do anyone any good. I've gotta learn to have trust especially to the one who is dearest to me.

Not to say tt I'm denying whatever has happened so far. For things to come to such a state, I've gotta take most of the blame. I'm not an escapist and I'd not run away from tt fact. If things don't go well for me in the future, it'd most probably be due to my own actions, no one else and nothing else to blame. Right, Edwin? I have woken up from a deep slumber. One tt cld prove costly. I've lost a relationship already, with the friendship on the rocks. Am I going to lose more than what I have already lost? Not a chance as long as it's within my control. I'll just have to work from bottom up once again, tt's all. I'm not gonna do anything silly again. I've thought through this, and my mind is clear, crystal clear in fact.

Yeah sure, part of me will be clinging on to the past but I am not gonna let it affect my future. A part of me will sorely miss and remember the good times we had before and I will wish and dream for those crazy but sweet scenes to re-enact in front of my eyes. However, in no way will I force my will on you again. Never.

I'm not gonna do anything extravagant alr, I guess haha. Yep, let's start from friends again and see where it brings us, shall we :) Sorry it took me so long to realise it. This time, I'll really let nature take its course. Ready whenever you are ;)

船到桥头自然直。有一段时间我确实认为船永远都直不了，但我已看破红尘。接下来的事就听天由命吧。我必定会尽力，但我是不会强求的。

Haven't used a song consecutively before. But exceptions happen, especially during special circumstances, no? Not to mention that it's such an apt description. I'll just play my part, and hope for the best :)

2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our last good-bye

2010-05-20T22:57:00.002+08:00

Well the dead silence of my phone spelled a death sentence for me in the morning. It was difficult to take but what was in store for me today couldn't be more apt. A day at K with the hall guys. In fact it was an idea I kind of came up with and a day tt I proposed it to be. I initially didn't want to turn up today but in the end, I did. What irony tt it was supposed to soothe me in some way. Wasn't exactly emotionally well today.

Was a little late but yea went on with it anyways. It was normal I guess, kind of made me feel a little better after the session but many thanks to qi xiang again haha. Bros are just bros eh. Oh yes gotta thank Nicole for the dive mask, which I did go to school and return to Cin Heng. Took those kinda instant photo at the science canteen too.

In the end, I chose a familiar but long route home. I didn't know why. I guess I just wanted to reminisce the many days not so far behind which I always took to Clementi and up north. Just tt this time it felt so different, so lonely. The empty seat on the bus ride seemed like it was mocking my naivety, my impatience and my helplessness. So did the reserved seat on the train ride. It gave the exact same feeling to me.

Sometimes I just think, why would a human struggle so hard to live and lead a good life when at the end of the journey we will no longer be around. Wouldn't we be better off dead sometimes? This thought never resounded so strongly in my head before, but it was just a sort of self reflection. I wasn't given birth to this universe to make others sad, am I? Nor am I supposed to be around to make others feel perplexed.

I know deep down I was hoping that I'll get an immediate response, for someone to turn around immediately. But I harbour such thoughts no more. This event just made me realize I actually mean nothing to myself. I just pray for her happiness and whatever happens to me doesn't really matter. Not at all. Of course, it'd be the best if I could be too, but not everything happens according to your own wishes, so I'm well prepared. It's so silly of me to have such a revelation just, now.

A simple message felt like it pulled me up from the depths of an abyss. Sounds a little like an essay eh haha but I can't really think of anything else to describe it. In other words, it felt like it saved me. Really. But I intend to keep my words. I'll be strong, I'll be taking care of myself. It isn't really a matter of confidence though but I believe I cld well get back to my old self. I can't promise what I know I'll probably not be able to do though. Thank you.

I tend to blabber more when I am more emotional though haha. A part of me feels happy tt I'm distressed because it tells me tt I really treasured and valued what I had and what I loved and still love now.

2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our last good-bye

2010-05-20T01:29:00.003+08:00

Sigh...sometimes I just feel like kicking myself for acting like a child. So silly and stupid. Getting worked up over the slightest of things and being such an idiot even though tt's the last thing I shd be doing. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Sometimes I feel helpless and kind of useless as well. It's a similar feeling tt I had before. It's kind of obvious when someone dull like me cld tell tt a person so impt to me is being bothered by stuff and I can't do anything abt it, I can't help in any way at all. Really makes me feel so bad and helpless at myself. I guess tt's prob a reason why I like to blame myself when things go wrong =/ and indeed, the source of frustration was me all along.

Honestly, I am just a fucking lousy guy. What good is my existence in this world if it is not to bring joy but grief and pain to the one I love.

等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱

我猜你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈

我愿意改变
重新再来一遍
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能放手

但你说爱
I only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在你心中只是 just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I 我不能只是 be your friend朋友

2010-05-19T02:05:00.002+08:00

Well although my life hasn't been particularly distasteful or bad up till now, it was still filled with "what ifs" plenty of them. Not much of regret over them as I always believed it was my decisions that shaped me as a person today.

I guess it cld all start out from pri school as my dad kinda wanted me to go rosyth instead of SAJS and yea if I went rosyth, I certainly wldn't have met with Ben and all my pri school classmates. Although I'd never what wld've become of me had I gone there instead and it kinda wasn't within my ctrl in some sense.

Next was prob secondary school. Although I initially put VS as my first choice, I don't know what gave me an idea tt VS was kind of a snobbish school at tt time and I din really wanted to go there during the period of waiting for my PSLE results. But my time in VS was magnificient. It was certainly the period that influenced me the most as a person and it moulded most of what I am today. Nothing major abt my character to be displeased abt for sure. And for sure I'd not have known my classmates, esp Hanz, KT and Bryan.

Continuing chronologically, prob what I felt would've kicked off a sporting or athletic career in some sense for me wld be if I had joined track & field in VS during sec 1 or 2. It was a niche sport for VS and definitely wld have made me a lot more of an athlete than I am today. Till this day, I'm still grateful to Mr Sng who tried to pull me into high jump although the silly me wasn't interested at tt point in time. He subsequently gave up and I feel kinda sorry tt I let him down. And yea, Yusuf tried to pull me into the soccer team in sec 3 and looking back, I'm definitely kicking myself for not joining a sport that I had a passion for due to apprehension of my own ability in both the sport and in myself for handling all the responsibility at hand.

On hindsight, I cld say tt I wldn't have been the VSRCCU chairperson had I been in track in lower sec as I wldn't be as involved. And I wld prob not have been the chairperson either in sec 3 if I had decided to join the soccer team due to me having to split my time between soccer trgs and being in the committee as a chairperson. Tt being said, I have certainly learnt a lot of things as a chairperson in VSRCCU and yep it improved me so much as both a person and a leader. Plus, if I had mixed so much with the soccer or track guys, I'd have been a totally different person from what I am today.

The next big decision I made was prob to not stay in AJ after my first 3 mths. Who knows what wld've become of me if I had stayed. But m 1st 3 mths there was fruitful, making frens like Hong Kai and Wei Jun though we don't really still keep in much contact now. If I hadn't been to VJ, I know I wldn't have made such a good fren in Li Wei, certainly my best female fren. I wldn't have the chance to be in CTC, which was a good exp of course. I certainly wldn't have met Clarissa, along which came a first regret in my life for not being sharper as a guy, not putting in enough effort as a guy and not being fast enough as a guy. A what if I had done more to deserve her. A girl who meant a lot to me for a period of time. With that however, it shaped the emotional part of me. Although I still suck at reading girls and handling relationships and stuff but it gave me a good idea of what I wanted out of a relationship with my future girlfriend and what I wanted to give to her. Well, it's behind me already and both of us have certainly moved on.

NS was pretty much a one way traffic for me and along comes university where a first setback cld be me studying harder for my first sem but tt didn't really bother me too much. Well yea after a chat on the phone I realised the biggest regret was me rushing into a relationship. Yea it cld've lasted longer had I been a little more patient. It cld've been a more successful one had I waited for both of us to know each other better. It cld've been a better one had I given the previously inflicted wounds more time to heal. But it cld still have turned out the same way. I just tend to always put the blame on myself when things go wrong. What I cld've and shd've done better. Doesn't really help but it's just the way my mind's wired to be. Something tt makes me want to turn back time some way or another. Sometimes I do look into the sky and ask my grandfather what should I do, seeking for some of his wisdom although I never really remembered him tt well as a kid. I just hope I haven't made a decision tt I wld regret for life. And I hope there's still some form of redemption for me. I want things to work out in the end. I really do.

And I guess getting recognition and assurance for my efforts matters too from what I've felt recently...but this is just some random ranting. I know only one person wld still read this blog. It's long been dead and ppl who knew of this blog wld prob not come again and I intend to keep it this way.

I know sometimes I am bloody, ultimately selfish and I question myself, "Have I really matured or grown emotionally since 4 years ago? Have I?" What an ass am I man.

But I'm fine. I truly am doing well. Not the best tt I cld or I wished for but I can't complain abt my life honestly. It's going smoothly in every other sense other than letting my emotions run wild. I'm dealing with it and I'm pretty sure I won't see ranting on my blog anytime soon cos I know this is a one-off but this is still a decent summary of my life. I will carry myself properly from now onwards. I know my course of action for the future already, perhaps even more clearly although it hasn't changed one bit. Tt is to wait patiently, without regrets, without any expectations or hope of reciprocation and without any pressure on you.

是你
第一眼我就认出来
这是命运最美的安排
是我
让你略过漫长等待
我们只要现在深爱
幸福就来
恨我来不及参于你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半

这个世界唯一的你
是我拥有的奇迹
对我说的一字一句
都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌
我也愿意
我什么都愿意

过去所有的悲哀
都只是寻觅我唯一
勇敢真爱
照亮了漆黑的夜晚
寻找了一次一辈子
再不分开

就算让我上天下地
我什么都愿意为你
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌
我也愿意
我什么都愿意

2010-05-17T10:49:00.002+08:00

Diving was certainly fun :) but the trip there was suuuuuuuuuch a drag. The trip to Pulau Aur was just a pain in the ass. 4 hour plus coach ride followed by another 4 hour plus boat trip. V tiring and draining. But it was certainly well worth the trip to the island as the dive sites house beautiful corals and marine life. Really vv beautiful. Although there were only 4 dives, and a fair bit of the dives were used to practise certain skills in the water, I still felt it was worth the trip and it is just the beginning of a person's dive journey after becoming an open water diver. I'm sure there're many places a lot nicer than Pulau Aur.

Pretty much most of the time was used to dive with time in between dives used for mealtime. Yep but the lack of reception was really bad. Made me miss a certain someone. Yea at the back of my mind I kinda wanted her to be with me to enjoy the great scenery of the seas too. But I'm sure we'll get the chance someday.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Oh

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

2010-05-14T15:14:00.002+08:00

Alright, going for my diving trip soon. I'm sure it's gonna be fun, but I'm sure it cld have been much better though. Oh wells, won't be ard for the whole weekend but it can't be helped at all ya. Kind of bored right now but haha too bad for myself.

Gotta practise more so I cld get better haha. Abt time I look for possible SEP destinations as well as planning my mods for next sem but I'll see how after my trip yep. Will be back on sunday night. Oh yes I gotta pack my year 1 stuff too. Kind of in a mess man. And gotta get back to my ps2 too, some uncompleted games left hanging. I have to beef up my fitness too for soccer, swimming and badminton and stuff.

Quite an incoherent post but tt's just how I am right now.

读完了水果篮之后，我内心有许许多多的感触。真希望自己能像由希或夹一样可以经过一切的挫折与伤感然后最终得到幸福。这奇迹般的故事却带来了我们可能在生活中经历的感受。这感人肺腑的漫画实在太棒了。只希望自己能像主角们得到奇迹，得到幸福，虽然这确实是自己自私的一面。

但是我会等待的，就算最终爱是无法得到快乐，我永不后悔。因为我相信爱是不求回报的付出。我爱你，这是由始至终，坚定不移地事实。

2010-05-11T12:50:00.003+08:00

Well...don't really know what to say at times but...I've decided to just keep quiet after this one last time. Just this once more. And I'll wait. I know I'll never be entirely happy but I'll try, to make that special someone not worry for me :)

I guess I've alr made many of my frens worry for me and enough is enough. Especially the one who's really important to me. I've thought through my future course of action and I intend to fulfill every single bit of it. I'm grateful for my frens ard me :) they've really been exceptional frens.

水果篮已经读完超过一半了。我开始觉得自己越来越像草摩由希。我当然比不上又俊俏尤受欢迎的由希，但是我觉得我们的想法非常的相似。
“因为我……需要一个，不会凌驾在我之上的眼神！我渴望有人需要我保护！不只是能安睡，不只是被人接纳……我也想要付出！付出唯有我才能付出的事物！我不是放弃……放弃是错误的……因为我……是个贪心的人！”
真想像由希一样，在故事的最终，像个王子般的守护着心中的公主。

2010-05-09T19:11:00.002+08:00

It seems I've been blogging quite frequently recently. I will continue to blog on and off at the very least cos I can't bear to keep this blog dormant for too long. A certain someone revived it and I will keep it going :)

Looking back on my life, I guess I'm really blessed to have a great family, good frens from pri school up till now keeping contact with me. My best fren Ben, v good frens in sec school like ong, my "mum" i found in jc and my many ns frens. And of course my most recent acquisitions of bros in Qi Xiang and Xavier even Swee Wei altho I don't get to see him too often either. Yep I honestly haven't had much setbacks in my life, probably had a little lows here and there but nothing detrimental to me. However, the people I cherish ard me always had issues here and there. I cld only look at them helplessly and ya cldn't really help much really.

I can really count my blessings but I'm really a greedy person heh. To me, all the riches in the world probably don't matter that much. That being said, it'd certainly be nice to have your Lamborghinis and Ferraris in your backyard. But all that would count for nothing if you have no emotional fulfillment. I never believed in working your ass off to become rich. Beyond a certain point, money can get you nothing more than just personal satisfaction and a wanting for higher social standing. These don't matter to me at all. And yes, we shd spend more time with our families and our loved ones instead. Right or left? :)

Tt being said, I guess there're things I wldn't feel like doing anytime soon, like playing certain games, looking for new glasses, watching a certain movie on my laptop and some things here and there...it just wouldn't feel right with the right company haha.

Thank you.

All I am
All I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I

I do (cherish you)
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do (Yes I do) (Baby I do)

In my world
Before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
Until that day
I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all of my heart
Till my dying day

2010-05-08T00:21:00.004+08:00

Exactly two months ago, I marked the beginning of the day with a heart warming mini birthday celebration right in Marina Square GV. Fast forward to 2 months down the road, I ended the day somewhat teary in the exact same location.

So much had happened between these 2 months. Mostly good, but it takes just one thing bad to bring me back down to Earth. But still, I'm really thankful for whatever I got these past 2 months and yea nothing much I cld really ask for. However, I know I'll really miss some stuff.

I knew I was really emotional at the start of the day, especially at sentosa. I don't rmb ever choking and tearing in a conversation with another person ever since I was a kid. On hindsight, I was glad that I felt emotional because it meant that I never took the relationship lightly and that I cherished every single day that we had together. It certainly is a v difficult time for me, but many thanks to "mum" for listening to me and also xavier and qi xiang, my bros from hall. yep to quote the great qi xiang, "除了等待还是等待。" That is so true, won't quote what xavier said cos it's kinda embarrassing haha. And wait I shall. The evian mineral water I purchased before heading to sentosa wld be a reminder for me.

Although I know that I'm already very blessed but I will never be entirely happy. Yes, love isn't all of your life but it's already an integral part of it. Pardon me but whenever I'll enjoy myself, part of this will most certainly linger at the back of my mind. But I'm fine really, please do not worry :) I know you would. But it's not something I'd ever wanna lose again. Sorry but I just do not want to be untruthful about things.

Time does not heal all wounds, it just helps us deal better with it. It hurts but I will be able to deal better with it and I am already dealing with it in a more matured manner. Moreover, this is for the good of the both of us. And as I always like to say, it's not over yet. I'll be fine, really ^v^ thank you, dear.

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事
一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱
我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏
人怔怔看情感慨

不能给你未来
我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪留下来
伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你
最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台
有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌
写着等待

我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
哽咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖
还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开
我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

2010-05-07T11:13:00.002+08:00

至今所发生的事让我觉得非常的无奈。含着些许悲伤的情感，我又开始读了水果篮，一个感人肺腑的漫画。感觉上我似乎很像水果篮中的羽鸟，遇见了最深爱的人却无法一直走下去。这对我而言是最最最残忍的酷刑。没有你的日子一定很难熬。我希望这只是暂时的告别而不是永恒的离别。虽然你已表示一切于我无关，我却不禁怀疑自己是否做错了什么。我真的感到很痛苦。我的心真的很痛很痛。

雪融化之后会变成什么呢？我真的希望会是一片春天。

但是我会一直陪在你身边，直到你心里容纳得下我。无论等多久，我会等着你的。

2010-05-06T21:51:00.004+08:00

it hurts. it does. it just does. it's an inexplicable thing to be explaining. what a dreadful day, one tt supposedly marks the end of the long and draining exams where the long awaited holidays begins. it was supposed to be an enjoyable one. but it wasn't meant to be. it just wasn't meant to be.

i'm torn into half as to what i ought to feel abt this. my head tells me to let it go, let it be free but my heart tells me otherwise. there isn't a half full glass this time.

i always had both a pessimistic and optimistic side of myself. the pessimistic side tells me to be prepared for the worst and the optimistic side tells me tt wadeva happens it can never be the worst tt can ever happen to you. however, neither works this time. it's just a different game altogether.

it isn't pain but it's painful.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I'd build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms

2010-04-30T21:11:00.002+08:00

Four times in a single day, what are the odds of tt happening haha. I don't have to look back at previous posts to know tt it has never happened before. Not once. Just this time I guess and I certainly hope haha.

Was a great day, definitely well worth a trip to school despite the slight headache but it was pretty much non-existent the whole day. And yea...it was great, I think some things were cleared up, definitely a lot less apprehension at the end of the day and yes, I always think tt I'm really fortunate haha :)

The morning was pretty bad, watched the game, terrible. Magnificent slick passing in the 1st half, Aquilani gave us a fantastic lead and I always knew he was a quality signing and he prob still needs a little time here in the epl. 2nd half was just dull and we lacked the urgency to grab a second to end the tie within 90 min. Extra time first half was good, Benayoun thoroughly deserved his goal with such a virtuoso display. I'd go as far to say tt his performance was impeccable. Reina did well. So did Lucas and Aquilani. But I wondered if I made a right choice getting Gerrard on next season's jersey cos he was kinda disappointing, so was Babel who cld've done better for sure but din put in tt bad a performance. But Forlan had to spoil the party and yes, 2nd half of extra time was unbearable for me. Stray passes plus nervous defending and attacking. Well guess I can look fwd to next season alr =/

陪你熬夜聊天到爆肝也没关系
陪你逛街逛成扁平足也没关系
超感谢你让我重生整个o-r-z
让我重新认识 l-o-v-e

恋爱-i-n-g happy-i-n-g
心情就像是坐上一台喷射机
恋爱-i-n-g 改变-i-n-g
改变了黄昏黎明
有你都心跳到不行 (黄昏黎明整个到恋爱-i-n-g)

你是空气但是好闻胜过了空气
你是阳光但是却能照进半夜里
水能载舟也能煮粥喂饱了生命
你就是维他命 l-o-v-e

未来某年某月某日某时某分某秒
某人某地某种永远的心情
不会忘记此刻 l-o-v-e
l-o-v-e l-o-v-e

2010-04-30T02:23:00.003+08:00

I would really like to believe in the title of the book I'm currently reading.

Have a Little Faith, dear.

2010-04-30T02:15:00.002+08:00

It's really not often that I blog in such quick succession but it kind of hurts...and what a beautiful mess, this is...

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt, oh dear
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]

We're still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the wait was so worth it.

2010-04-30T01:21:00.002+08:00

Post number 350, a supposedly milestone post I guess. One that I make with somewhat a heavy heart and mixed feelings, really. Happy that my exams are over, with a feel good factor that I should do better than the previous sem and even more so that I'm so fortunate to have such a gem in my hands. On the other face of the coin, it's my gma who's hospitalized and it's really heart wrenching when I visit her sometimes.

And sometimes I feel if things don't get reciprocated, they never last. I'm certain of that. Very. It's quite difficult really just like a football game. Being 3-0 up at half time doesn't count for a thing, it's the final scoreline at full time, what better way to express that than the historic win at Istanbul, defying all odds. Experience counts, tt's true but I don't see much of it in the side that won the Champions League in 2005. But yes, I accept that because I do know how precious it is in many other instances but on that fateful night, it's sheer grit and determination that brought the team through. The likes of your Ronaldos, Messis and even Torres was absent in the game. It was in fact Captain Marvel, Stevie G who led us to the coveted trophy with his influential display.

So, which position am I? Judging and real life scenario my natural position would be on the right of midfield, so who do I model my play style after? I'm certainly no Gerrard, nor do I have the explosive pace and impact of Torres but based on the Liverpool team, I'd like to think of myself as Benayoun with his incisive runs and decent passing, probably not so good at long balls or long shots. That being said, the timing of the tackle is impt too isn't it haha.

Aight, enough of ranting, what a long post this is. And yes, confusing but no, it isn't. I'm not delirious and neither am I stupid.

Onto the REAL football stuff, Liverpool have just been poor this season. There're reasons to these like injuries etc etc but no excuses for falling so far back really. Terrible. Hopefully we'll get to the final of Europa League later on man. If not, it'd be really a terrible season with ucl football next season seemingly bleak and if man utd win the title, it'd prob get even worse. Like wth man.

And the inexplicable lag on this post is kinda irritating too.

But I will wait, because I believe the day will come and it just takes time :)

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you (waiting for you)

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

2010-04-14T10:25:00.000+08:00

喜欢你的头发
喜欢你的脸颊
喜欢你微笑的时候眼里藏不住的光
喜欢你的害羞
喜欢你的疯狂
想要一天二十四个小时守在你身旁
喜欢开你玩笑喜欢叫你傻瓜
喜欢吓你一跳的时候看你慌张的模样
喜欢搭你肩膀喜欢你会怕痒
喜欢趁你没有防备偷袭你的手指甲
想要抱你一下贴紧我的胸膛
想要告诉你这样下去不是办法
想要把你绑架想要带你回家
想要非常认真严肃的承诺地老天荒
思念你令我惊慌想到你令我膨胀
你的每个笑容都会令我幸福的快爆炸
见你的时候我总是说些傻呼呼的蠢话
令我随时随地濒临疯狂

2010-04-11T01:21:00.002+08:00

A 200 word reflection with a faulty keyboard. Quite a difficult task I'd say haha.

Honestly I felt a bit guilty going out for so long before the exams, not right before but time could be used on studying even though I knew I'd never be super productive by just staring into my notes the whole day.

Right, generally was a really, really good day I'd say =) I had a lot of fun out today. Watched a great movie, had good moments walking ard orchard, looked ard quite a bit. I made a little self discovery and yes, had a really sweet, thoughtful and pleasant surprise =) The night ended well. And yes, it was really time well spent and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. What really matters is the company that you are with. Doesn't matter where you are but the thing is, you'd always want the best for the other person no?

The only blemish was a silly theory I came up with. Worst thing was tt it wasn't just a slip of the tongue. And I just had the do that eh. Stupid me. I'm really sorry dear =( pls forgive this lousy guy.

Same old problem, pls use your dumb brain to tink deeper into things before you speak and be more sensitive d00d, like wtf's wrong with you. Yes and do not think that you are always correct.

It really made the end of the day heart wrenching.

当你看着我我没有开口已被你猜透
还是没把握还是没有符合你的要求
是我自己想得太多还是你也在闪躲
如果真的选择是我我鼓起勇气去接受
不知不觉让视线开始闪烁

哦~第一次我说爱你的时候呼吸难过心不停的颤抖
哦~第一次我牵起你的双手失去方向不知该往那儿走
那是一起相爱的理由（对我）
那是一起厮守
哦~第一次吻你深深的酒窝想要清醒却冲昏了头
哦~第一次你躺在我的胸口二十四小时没有分开过
那是第一次知道天长地久

感觉你属于我
感觉你的眼眸
第一次就决定绝不会错

2010-04-03T23:46:00.002+08:00

Remember, remember the 3rd of April, the morning where things could well have crashed down to Earth. It may not have been an entire disaster but things would never be the same again.
Fortunately, catastrophe never befell me.
What a blessed person am I, for the angel stayed with me :)

2010-03-26T16:30:00.003+08:00

Well guess it's time to revive this dormant blog again haha, upon the request of someone. As usual, so many things have happened between the previous post and of course, the most joyous thing has certainly befallen me. Sounds grammatically wrong but I guess the idea's been put across :)

I had a most enjoyable birthday for certain, a few good weeks going out but a torrid time with my papers lol. Well my main focus now should be catching up on lost time and whatever I've not had the time to work on previously but I do tend to lose my concentration at times and also a lack of discipline has attributed to that as well. Gotta buck up or suck it all up at end.

I just tink I'm such a lucky boy now tho =)

2010-03-03T12:52:00.002+08:00

Well I've been procrastinating this post for a long long time, way after ihg haha but I guess I shall now pen my thoughts on both ihg and dp as significant events tt has happened so far. Yep can concentrate on neither my lab later nor my test this coming fri!! v bad haha.

IHG was cool, yea we won and stuff, got myself a medal, probably something to rmb but what I really wanted was the volleyball one. Maybe cos it's a team sport tt I feel more strongly for it in a way, not to say tt I don't intend to work on my swimming. But having just picked up volleyball in hall, I guess I'd wanna improve myself wherever possible but it's certainly a little difficult to do so haha. Right but what I felt most was during the volleyball games and not ihg closing where we won all the stuff. I was kinda disappointed for track too cos everyone worked so hard and we just had too many injuries in the girls' team which made things so much tougher for them, in the end we did give TH a run for their money although the girls' lost out narrowly and well, KR guys were just too good ya...needa strengthen the team if we are to come back next year as champions.

DP was a more exhilarating experience for me, maybe cos it's fresher in my memory but it was good fun for sure. Attending dance practices were a drag but looking back at the practices gives me fond memories of the hard work we've put in. The show we put up was testament to the grit and determination we showed in overcoming the trials and tribulations that overshadowed DP this year. It may not have been the best performance put up by us but it has been a tough journey, from the planning by the producers, problems faced with the script, with our choreos as well. I really gotta thank Aiting for such a wonderful choreo. Although we only had one and a half months to practice for it as the song was changed twice but we still did wad we cld and at the end of it, the emo feeling was really brought out of me and yea I thoroughly enjoyed it. And of course not forgetting Wei Jie's choreo in wad was easily the best dance in the whole DP, with it being so cleverly and creatively weaved into the story and his meticulous teaching. Wad's sad is that next year's DP may not have either of these great choreos in the production, which is definitely a loss to us. I really, really enjoyed myself in DP.

A Matter of Heart

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt, oh dear
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]

We're still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the wait was so worth it.

2010-02-11T02:40:00.001+08:00

Sigh...I hope not but I tink it's over for me alr.

2010-01-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

Quite soon for another post, considering my previous exploits were few and far between heh. Taking precious time off to make a post this time. But honestly, I've gotta tell myself to be disciplined enough to make full use of the time I have instead of drifting in and out of writing my lab report.

On the back of a draining lab day, I wasn't able to produce anything significant last night and neither was I very productive with the "abundance" of time I had to day. Time to wake up. Finished only about half of my report when I know that I cld've finished so much more...crap man, I really really have to stay disciplined if I want to do other things, especially when I know that time is not on my side. With the millions of dance prac plus ihg trgs (coming to an end soon though) plus SMC stuff plus I wanna support the hall and my frens at certain IHG matches, I really gotta juggle my time well this sem. It was fine before week 3 began though. Hell's gonna break loose for me real soon, especially when I can't finish my lab reports or tuts.

Some things just have to be sacrificed, like my weekly football exploits on Sunday zzz. Well I have decided to rank some stuff as being more impt and I know if I want one I cannot have the other unless I'm really able to juggle my time tt well.

Bottom line is to work harder when I'm free!! And stop complaining haha. I make time to do things by myself. Myself and I alone, cannot blame anything else like busy schedules!

Putting tt aside, I'm certainly beginning to appreciate my family more :) things tt I felt was irritating previously, I see them as care from my parents. Time at home is always time well spent, whatever the case, really haha. I can feel myself maturing still, even at this age but there is always room for improvement. Immaturity still runs in me even though I'm already at adulthood. Grow up boy.

我僞装著
不露痕迹的想在你身边
静静的陪著看著天边
骑著单车
往前行进著
某个路口爱在等著
你往前走
不回头看了记忆的笑脸
缓缓的敲著我的琴键
我不舍得
让你孤单单的
我爱你的心牵挂著
心不再拼命躲不去害怕结果
假设有个以后你会怎麽说
一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走
下个路口你会看见爱
有美丽笑容
爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我就是我的美

爱转角遇见了谁是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁是否不让你流泪
将寂寞孤单作废让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我就是我的美

2010-01-20T02:07:00.003+08:00

Honestly, I don't know wad's driven me to write a post right now, at this hour, after seemingly giving up on blogging for mths. Perhaps a little time on my hand, perhaps a little emo, or maybe yet another outlet for wadeva's on my mind. No idea who in the world reads my blog now even LOL.
IHG's on right now and I tink Eusoff's been doing pretty well this time round and yea, we shd be celebrating the victories we had these past few days. I can't help but ponder abt TH. Arch enemies, bitter rivals with no class. A little harsh but after the squash fiasco, which I cld safely say cost our girls a decent shot at the title and our boys giving them a whooping despite "bending" the rules, I cldn't help but tink why ppl have to resort to such methods to win. Wld u be happy winning on an uneven playing field? Wad's the pride in doing so? I wonder how sports has degraded into such a dismal state altho we cld argue it's just at IHG lvl. I wldn't say we weren't guilty of such acts b4 but oh well...I know well tt such things do not just happen in the sporting arena and tt's the way the world basically functions. Sad but tt's a fact of life. However, as long as we can stay true to our values, it's fine, really.
Got lotsa stuff happening right now and ya, sometimes it get a little too stifling for my own comfort. Labs and tuts gonna kick in soon and yep, really gotta find the discipline to study and keep up with the pace of the lectures!!
Kinda confused and lost sometimes, really but I do know tt the waiting game doesn't work and it doesn't suit me, not at all, so I gotta work out something myself haha. For sure, I hope.

YNWA

坐著说站著说
你想要说什麽
月亮怎么这样微弱~~
空气的不转动呵~

你看我看什么
我不是叫传说
弯要云的我在牵着
你不要在问我帆船要去什么

我要听你说能不能告诉我
借给你我耳朵说说说
我要听你说能不能告诉我
你说了什么我好象听过

快点说(说)快点说快点说~
说你觉得我真的不错
或许我你爱我
多么高兴你认识我

我要听你说能不能告诉我
画面这和祥的力量该说什么
我要听你说能不能告诉我
把忙完了锁思绪才满有

我要听你说你说了什么
我在看你说你说了什么
我要听你说有些激动
我在看你说或许在说

谢谢对镜子说看你自己懂不懂
恳求每夜都去说
走走快对的人多
SORRY 我听不懂
下个人也许会懂
开口闭口都在噘
我我~~该怎么接受
我不能接受啊~~
我不能接受啊~~~

2009-07-22T20:10:00.003+08:00

Oh man, haven't blogged in ages and yea, so much has happened between March and now haha. Can almost say tt the blog is officially dead lo. Anyways, I had a great time at Just Education, meeting plenty of new ppl, making frens, and learning quite a fair bit in terms of soft skills ya. Definitely had a great time and heartwarming gifts too haha.
Well yea, looking forward, school's gonna start so soon and orientation's looming. Honestly gotta say tt I'm so nuaaaa now. Seriously, so bad tt I have nagging doubts if I can become enthu again haha. But really things clash here and there and yea quite a lot of things to plan. Really v ma fan but I hope all will be fun and fine.
Of course I hope hall wld be great too but gotta really revise on my stuff and work hard in uni too lol.
Well dono wad's wrong with blogger.com cos like the box for typing the post became uber small dono because of me using vista or wad. No idea man. Oh wells, hope I'll be motivated to pen down my thots on this blog something soon LOL.

泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过
究竟是谁放掉这段感情

我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已掏空
真心话言不由衷

2009-03-18T11:31:00.002+08:00

Well...I've been procrastinating on this post ya...hm v soon this blog gonna close down ba lol. Maybe if I was a bit less lazy hoho. Oh well gotta thank everyone for all the well wishes and gifts I got for my bdae. Lol honestly din tink much of a 21st but I definitely appreciated everyone. I know, I know, I ought to be shot in the head by now haha, cui la...one of the most cui shite I ever lost and did zzz. Crap man.
Anywayz, I got nothing much to say abt Liverpool alr lol, outplayed and thrashed Real when the scoreline shd've been more than 4-0, hammered Man Utd 4-1 at Old Trafford without ever hitting top gear. Absolutely brilliant but it's still v difficult to get the title this year, ucl is a more realistic goal. Having lost so much pts drawing with the minnows and being unable to break down their defs and all, gotta say we have only ourselves to blame for our plight.
Phew...life at work still okay for now, things going fine ba...wonder how things will be like in a while for me tho...but I miss playing football on weekends tho =/ so considering some stuff le haha. Yea meantime, gotta continue hoping :)

2009-03-06T00:23:00.004+08:00

Haven't touched this for a kazillion years lol. Yeah kinda busy here and there plus LAZY haha, at this rate gonna die le. A lot of shite happened, can't really rmb all the stuff really. But really enjoyed myself on a few occassions :) many thx to everyone for everything (kinda vague eh but really lazy...) ok fine shall list all the stuff I rmb-ed. And just realised forgot to call but regarding my pay zzz. Hahz. Rite, meet up dinner with upperstudies plus my batch was great thx to shen qing whoa ho. And Jurong Bird Park was pretty good, thx for the book and the t-shirt, really nice. Had a really really great time at canele, thx for the company :) and er...ya thx for the job LOL. Wth man. Ok wad a short summary for like 3 wks? Hoho...whatever man. Sad. Tired. Ok not tt bad but hm...a lot of things to learn and improve on, and I tink I'll really miss my football =/ plus others.

这首为你点播的歌
如果我先哭了
怎么唱到最后

是的感情不是K歌
音阶一字不漏
不见得感动

我也懂拿麦的手不能颤抖
曾握着就能感受你比我难过
谁写的歌词那么适合放手
我怎能舍不得

我努力唱完主歌
我忘了走音没有
我到底哭什么
哭什么明明搞笑的

我努力唱好朋友
我忘了是谁哭了
就算你不记得
这首歌唱完的是我

我努力唱完这歌
我忘了破音没有
你心里触动的
下一首已经不是我

我努力唱到嘶吼
我不怕剩我一个
只要你能记得
这首歌给我最爱的

2009-02-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

Right...finally back in Sg after like 18 days in NZ. Quite tired, tt's why past 2 days nv blogged or do anything significant LOL. K tt's part of the reason. I'm lazy too. Gonna buck up, find a job, start making myself more useful and ya improve myself as a whole heh. Sounds like a big thing to me tho hoho.
Ok fine tired from the jet lag...a bit at least lol. NZ was great in some ways but sucked to the max in others (manmade tho). Right, good weather, nice food with lotsa lamb and beef, v westernised and all but at the end kinda missed sg food hehe. The mussels damn imba cos they're live then after boiling and eating them ah, power sia much nicer than all the shit in sg after the marination/seasoning or wadeva they do to the mussels. Seriously.
Plenty of unknown and uncalled for stuff thrown to the few of us. Not tt I din see them coming but still kinda sux heh. And ya wth man but oh well. Alright la. It was v good tt I knew some ppl much better in the process, so I tink it's good. Had fun firing the primus and looking at the rounds too. Not too shabby, really, feels a bit diff from fh tho.
Had some time on the hand to play sports here and there. Played football like twice or something only tho. So kinda sad haha. But rmb scoring a v nice volley tho mwahahz. We're not bad actually, tt day effectively lost once, thru own goal somemore then drew a few ba...fun la hoho.
RnR was uber short tho, din have much time to go ard at all, all the places closed by the time we reached the city so damn cui, and ya din even spend all my cash on souvenirs or gifts and all. But at least got the impt ones ba.
Well well after coming back v shack lo...very haha. yea but din slp well so whole of sat was tired. Kind of SAD tho, sat eh lol. Yea went to Vishnu's place...had fun meeting damn long nv see VS frens. Awesome really. At least gotta start organising some shit for the class lo haha. Hopefully ah haha.
Today was just football, long time since I last played field. Weather super hot and humid imho, prob cos I used to the cool and dry weather in NZ alr, really nice over there altho it was getting warmer by the time I flew back haha. Was cool, tink I just wanna koonz and ya hope things will always be good for me, not forgetting to pull my socks up lo haha.

一部怀旧的电影
淋湿了心情
你的爱还在旅行或已定居哪里
也许遗憾和年轻
总绑在一起
不容许一点委屈
等放手才懂惋惜
静下心来发现过去大半是甜蜜回忆
我最快乐那一年
是你陪我经历一切
什么都生动又强烈
有真正在活着的感觉
我们最快乐的那一年
像浓缩了最精华的时间
短暂却永远是火焰
在情绪冰凉时暖和心田
多留恋都不能
活在从前
决定不愁眉苦脸
不让深爱的人挂念

2009-01-27T11:02:00.003+08:00

Hmmm...going to nz so soon ya. Gonna miss out all the fun with my cousins tonite lo zzz. Damn sian. More and more things I missing out mannnn. But can't be helped ya I chose this path and I have to walk through it. Hoho just random ranting, nothing malicious or wad. But really ah missing quite a few Liverpool games too T_T
It was nice of Desmond to give an overseas call thru skype ya. Still haven't figured out its usage lol but tt's kinda besides the pt. Nice catching up with him la. But it's all good tt he's doing well there man. Hoho but he's got his own "worries" too eh.
Final Fantasy VIII is a beautiful game, graphics was brilliant at tt time for sure. Recently replayed it cos was unable to complete previously. Was good, decent storyline albeit a little too linear. However, junctioning and drawing plus GF and all are rather innovative fighting elements plus the triple triad which is absolutely brilliant hahz. Character design is certainly up there. Although FF VII was better in some ways like the materia system and all, FF VIII certainly has its own merits ya haha. Some parts are kinda touching too, altho not a v big part of the story but the story is weaved in a beautiful manner with the past and present melded well. A great game for sure =)

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanna be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

2009-01-25T13:14:00.002+08:00

Haven't blog for a few weeks eh. Mainly cos lazy ba and also a bit din feel like doing it at times haha. But it was a decent few weeks with the occassional "hiccup" I'd say. Attended a couple of birthday parties in a way ya. Not bad la...see ppl getting older and becoming 21st haha. Well had a good time at ice cream chefs, got questioned on my ideals and perspective on life, vv chim haha guess I din quite put things right tho. V nice ice cream too hahz. Yeah man had another pri school gathering kinda postponed and preparing to go to NZ!! Leaving on 27/1 and coming back on 13/2 zzz really missing a lot of shit in btw, ord gathering, another couple of birthdays like wth man. Hope the trip is good man.
Kinda disappointed with the way pool played, conceding a last min goal and playing way below par, gotta play catch up alr and I tink needa really work to keep pace until the end of season man.

如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意
听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

2009-01-04T21:30:00.003+08:00

Well well, so fast got 21st bdae le haha. Not bad. Yepz went for Yue Ting's 21st ytd. V cool, get to meet up with the CTC peepz heh. Chatting and all, doing all the catching up hahz. V nice really, altho got problems with the caterer but I'm pretty sure none of us really minded la hahah. Not bad I tink we're the biggest group le lol. The presents for her quite nice lea...the big dog bear was nice, quite intricate and yes somebody was so intrigued by the underwear lol damn funny la and yea din know got tt funny cert too, kinda cute ya lol. Then the red wallet wasn't bad too, and finally the interesting puzzle and music box haha...got sum link plus story too. V interesting cake for her also...got cup cakes and all ard it ya.
Yeah anywayz ytd was jam packed man hoho...morn was like playing street soccer, haven't played for sometime le. Normally field ba but damn fun sia...more fun then field lol. But damn tired la...v long nv train up my stm le so it's getting more and more cui heh. Yea and then went to kbox with Ben and gang lol...damn imba, no need much elaboration on tt ;) too bad I'm the cui one =X so kinda missed breakfast and lunch lo lol quite unhealthy but oh well...don't really care anywayz haha.
But damn tired today =/ no idea why maybe too shack ytd haha. Guess school's starting for many le esp those kids in uniform heh hope everyone has a good time in school :)

你举手你抬头你说选我选我
手上锁又挣脱你仍一脸迷惑
吹个风手一松那硬币竟失踪
一鞠躬那掌声拍的凶
手交错轻轻碰戒指换手移动
给观众一个梦讶异中有笑容
手穿海报却不拿汉堡
反而拿出牛仔帽
你永远都猜不着
每当我在台上演出人体漂浮
你就在台下偷偷吃我的泡芙
等待白鸽飞出再将爱说清楚
读你读你读心想啥事用古典迫牌方式
我手法精致艾尔姆支雷一百分的姿势
谁说恋爱别找魔术师我不需要解释
所以他小丑我是大师 (所以不用麻烦了不用麻烦了不用麻烦了)

你举手你抬头你说选我选我
我将牌换颜色变出你的选择
将自由的女神变不见不稀奇
一零一变不见才惊喜
手摊开帽子里总能空手出牌
不管切多少牌总能切得回来
手穿海报却不拿汉堡
反而拿出牛仔帽
你永远都猜不着
不要问我到底什么才是真的
我变给你看的感情才是真的
因为无时无刻我只想你快乐

2008-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

The last day of the year! Plenty of things happened this year for certain...both good and not so good haha.
Highlights of this year certainly wld be commissioning as an officer ya. Getting the sword, wearing the rank, holding tt bit more of responsibility (which has a lot in it LOL) yeah. Looking at my sword and the photos tt came with it...kinda missed wearing my No. 1 and No. 2 haha...quite comfy lea and yeah I tink nice leh and kinda smart too lol but oh well tt's all in the past. Will probably nv wear them another time tho hahz. But my time in NS has been good in the sense tt I made plenty of frens and knew a lot more ppl.
End of year gatherings was a huge plus plus along with the interesting xmas gift exchange and it was enjoyable to see frens tt I haven't met for quite sometime and a long time for a few.
Liverpool topping the table at New Year is just great. Absolutely stunning and deserved. Deserved a lot more tho haha. Sorta playing regular soccer weekly as well so I'm happy it's kinda going for me :)
New Year resolution? Probably to make myself a bit more sociable, improve my thinking ability and definitely make sound judgements and decisions. In short, to sharpen my blunt mind haha. Can't really tink of anything else but maybe to enjoy my uni life heh. Gotta mug hard tho.
It's been a tiring year, a bit of a roller coaster ride here and there...got it's highs and lows, certainly more highs than lows. All I've gotta say tt I'm kinda blessed and got not much reason nor am i really entitled to complain. But it's human to always want more no? ;)
Sometimes it's just good to not bother too much abt others ba...it'd just make yourself feel bad at times and yeah create unnecessary problems for yourself when you tink too hard too.

爱你等于拥有一片天空
任何风吹草动
都有你存在其中
自然而然的轻松

一路到夏天的尾声
无所谓到过于激动
我们有笑容我们曾心动
不再是无动于衷

无条件为你不顾明天的安稳
为你变坚强相信你的眼神
不敢想不敢问
有一天坏的可能

无条件为你放弃单独的旅程
为你坚强就不怕牺牲
我的灵魂如此沸腾
为我爱的人

喜欢复杂还是习惯单纯
我愿尽力完成
你在我心中几分
难以形容的责任

爱一个人付出才会完整
无条件越爱就越深
永远不分啊

2008-12-28T20:53:00.003+08:00

Hm...so fast another year is ending le. For the past few years at this point of time, I've always felt tt I've grown, dono always have this feeling lol. For good or for bad, really no idea, but it kinda means I've been thru quite a bit with army and other stuff here and there.
Well I kinda realised the festive season at the end of the year is always the best time in the year haha. Yeah really really v nice. You know you get invited to ppl's place for xmas celebrations, meeting up literally with all my frens, at least the closer ones. Seriously haha...had a pri school class gathering like ytd. Way cool, was like finalised ytd morn and we got a number of ppl too haha 9 to be exact. I mean if it was more well organised it'd have been much better. Looking fwd to another one before the dudes fly off to aussie to study but really crossing fingers and hoping it doesn't clash with me going nz, it'd be hell if it does =/
Anywayz, meeting up with sec school frens is kinda common alr lol yeah our fantastic four hangs out kinda often heh but still considered no? Red Cross frens also ytd altho we meet up occassionally too hahz...got end of year gathering at yuching's place too. But v sad tt Zaidi's 21st clashes with Yueting so I kinda can't go for his =/ and we finally had a CTC gathering!! Damn cool haha altho attendance not so good.
Yes the JC class gathering as usual organised by me but delegated to others =P not quite occassional either, good to keep in contact and chat with each other tho hoho.
There's also the odd meeting up with closer frens here and there =) yeah glad we still keep in contact too.
Liverpool just owned Bolton and Newcastle and it cld've been a lot more. Period.
Overall vv good end of year for me but a bit of a prob is ppl tend to go overseas within this period so some gatherings not so many ppl but still nice to meet up with your frens now and then no?
Not withstanding some of the shit tt happened...not common tt I get pissed off here and there man hoho.

Retro but really nice.

闭上眼睛忍住呼吸
暂时要和世界脱离
就快要学会不再想你
却听见不断跳动的心
我允许了你
让爱的自由还给你
我允许了自己
承受这悲伤到天明
我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许
我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提
总是以为终究化作云淡风轻
爱你到底
痛了自己
我不愿放弃却要故意默默允许
我答应自己爱你的心绝口不提
所有结局在这夜里都已成形
爱到了底
痛的是我的真心

2008-12-14T21:00:00.003+08:00

Eh...body really cui alr sia...play one game so much injuries le zzz but I gotta say it was a good game. Same team as the previous team we played but this time they were the ones chasing the game heh, had a stronger lineup for certain but it's due to the uber muddy pitch as well. Well I played pretty well running at the full backs but I know well wad I'm lacking man, gotta improve if not really jia lat lahz.
Right knee and quad plus left hip there all took blows, yeah damn sore now sia...hopefully faster recover ba...really needa beef up my fitness alr. Damn cui alr ahhhhh. Not disciplined enough to do the normal exercises to keep myself fit to a bare minimum at home. But when stay in camp I tend to be more hardworking for some reason hahz. Oh wellz...v tired sia...hope Chelski cui today also mwahaha.
Today really the end of my 2 week hols. Feel all civilain-like alr haha but still got some way before ord-ing man. Gotta keep working hoho. And still got nz too hm...only thing I can say is the pre-prep is like shit, says a lot when I know it's gonna be hell at the airport for certain even tho I'm not involved in any planning and what not, esp when I'm at home too haha. Too bad man really, sometimes I get kinda pissed off with the stupid things tt happen too. Yeah I'm really pissed with one idiot for quite some time alr.

人群中哭着
你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会
梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了
你已经决定了

你静静忍着
紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜
就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则
不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
（然后才后悔着）

你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下
你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

2008-12-13T23:59:00.003+08:00

On this day 2 years ago, I was kinda naive and young...dumb if I'd say it haha...taking things for granted and taking things a little lightly as well as thinking things in too much of a simplistic way. Two years down the road, I sometimes wonder how much have I changed and matured, either for good or for bad. Honestly 2 years is kind of a long time. Many things happened, trying times, tough times but there were great and happy moments too. Yeah it was mainly ns standing between now and then...I'm kinda fine with it tho.
I'm really unsure of how things are anymore. Yeah and I wonder how things are gonna advance in the future haha. The future is always full of uncertainty isn't it? Upon the closing stages of Liverpool vs Hull...yeah it was a draw and 2 bloody pts dropped but tt's another thing altogether ya zzz. It was an exhilarating game in the beginning, with 2 goals by Hull and then and 2 goals by Pool in quick succession. But as time wore on, as the seconds ticked by...I kinda felt a strangle on my neck ya...it seemed like Shikamaru's shadow strangling thingy, bit by bit it got tighter as the full time whistle drew nearer, no doubt we were attacking and all...maybe it was cos of the weight of expectations on the team but suddenly I wasn't enjoying the game anymore...and I somehow feel tt it kinda reflects my life in some way or another.
You know when one moment you're practically enjoying everything tt's going ard you and the next moment things just take a dip and the same things ard just look grey and dreary. Sometimes things just get tighter and you feel the hand grabbing your heart, making things a bit difficult for you. Be it expectations or anthing ba. I guess sometimes it's just the mood or "form" in your life for tt matter. Some days you probably just look into the mirror and your brain decides "ok I'm not gonna enjoy today no matter wadeva happens" or some sorta thing ya.
Not complaining abt the state of things right now. I'm definitely not entitled to complain for sure. Things are normal but sometimes normal is really a blessing no? Haha yeah really true however sometimes you nv get to realise it until abnormality begins to come your way.
Actually, I'm not so sure abt wad I'm saying or wad I'm gonna do with my life anymore...probably some of the stuff up there are just random ranting lol...but there's some kinda headway for sure but the uncertainty and the thot of being unsure if you're headed in the right direction is more often than not present ba...

你就是我的天使
保护着我的天使
从此我再没有忧伤
你就是我的天使
给我快乐的天使
甚至我学会了飞翔
飞过人间的无常
才懂爱才是宝藏
不管世界变得怎麽样
只要有你就会是天堂
像孩子依赖着肩膀
像眼泪依赖着脸庞
你就像天使一样
给我依赖给我力量
像诗人依赖着月亮
像海豚依赖海洋
你是天使你是天使
你是我最初和最后的天堂

2008-12-10T23:41:00.002+08:00

zomg...suddenly v tired everyday lea...slp so much still tired haha. Gotta buck up with my driving sia if not I tink can't complete before test date =\

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
(最怕此生已经决心自己过
没有你却又突然
听到你的消息)

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今
终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你
带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美
那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们
还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去

2008-12-09T15:29:00.002+08:00

Hm...quite tired haha...had a less conventional weekend for myself ba lol. Yeah stayed over at Peng Rend's house on sat night, missed the Liverpool Blackburn game in the end =\ won in the end la so guess tt's wad tt matters. But I was playing the WoW boardgame. Quite fun sia...a bit of rpg element in it and all and also...ya but quest here quest there is the main thing lo, slowly lvl up then chiong pvp ya...so it was kind of a late night. played it for 7+ hours like wth man. Uber long seh. Well before tt had a 21 officers' gathering heh...not bad sia...got like 13 ppl who turned up. Quite a lot alr siah...
Yeah anywayz peng peng's house was like damn nice haha. Wii quite fun sia...a lot of action and all hoho. Really a v good family console, and also for slightly larger gatherings ba. Fun sia lol. WoW also fun heh. But really shack ah the next day when we woke up. Yeah kinda chiong-ed home to slp and then chiong out to Ben's house to stay over lol. Like wth man. Alright la but in the end he also a little unwell so just did my own stuff hehz. But was pretty fun for sure.
Saw part of the Everton Villa game, v interesting twist and turn in the dying few min. Feels a little nostalgic doesn't it? Haha.
Yeah nursing all kinds of injuries on myself. Lotsa physical dmg done to me in ns =\ tink I'm just a bit suay ba really...but I guess it's true tt time will heal all wounds, even physical ones no? Hahaz yeah hamstring and my wrist...dono if my knee still killing me but hope not ba.

You'll Never Walk Alone.

记忆深处的美好
星空还刻着你的微笑
数不清多少夜晚
她在你手心的记号
轻轻靠在我怀抱
闻你发丝淡淡的味道
怀念我们曾经
多么单纯的美好
过去的美好
我想有一天我们都能忘掉
想你的星空下
星星不再闪耀
我想我知道
眼泪的味道
曾经付出的每一天每一年
我不曾想逃
我想我知道
眼泪的味道
曾经付出的每一天每一年
我不曾想逃
受伤的翅膀
总有一天会慢慢
慢慢的变好
能飞得更高
当失去你的依靠
Don't wanna miss you
逝去的不能再留住
只是过往每个画面
都成为我们的束缚
对爱情的无助

2008-12-04T01:13:00.003+08:00

Well I guess I've really opened my eyes now but some things just can't be helped no?

没别的只想说对不起
对不起我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想你怎么说
也不会改变我的决定
你知道有时候感情事很难说
很难说爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要
一想你我的心就发烧
想给你听我的心跳 (你听一听我的心跳)
想你知道我睡的不好 (你看一看我睡的不好)
喝水想着你搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你
没别的只想说对不起
怎么样我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲你怎么做
也不会影响我的心情
你知道有时候男孩更难捉摸
难捉摸爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要
一想你我的心就狂跳
我的模样记不记得牢
情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你听歌想着你
大地和蓝天出现的全是你
我才不管你的表情
我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

2008-12-02T23:04:00.006+08:00

Hm...well today was supposed to be a good day? Turned out alright, heard plenty of things and ya...dono if I'm overwhelmed by whatever happened, tired or wadever, some things tt shd've came out nv and some tt nv shd have just came out...nothing too bad or anything happened, which was good. Or maybe I was just a little emotionally affected and a little unwell.
Well......just tinking of plenty of what ifs and maybe just tinking too much...like wad Peter said when he read my palm a while back...i can really see tt all he said was true and wad was foreseen cld well be true too.
Haven't ever felt as helpless as I was, really. So many things tt I wanted to do but I just feel I'm not entitled and lack the capacity to do so, which kinda makes me sad and ya...helpless in a way ba. There's actually so much tt I wanted to say but I'm glad I didn't...because sometimes it's just better to leave things unsaid...sometimes it just gets frustrating till a pt it becomes painful too.
And I know well tt I was read like a book and...some things you just cannot admit...And yea...this song kinda depicts the picture.
现在听这首歌实在是再贴切不过了

时间呀你听见我了吗
滴答声中我又想起你
回忆呀醒了吗
我只想问一个问题你好吗
爱的记忆会像铁盒一样生锈吗
就算思念旧的可以
也别丢掉它
想念啊你听见我了吗
可能吗第二次让我爱上你
飞走的往事呀
请你转个弯
我爱你的时光你没忘了吧
我再也不会让你哭了呀
你听见吗
(I Love You)
可能吧是我的眼泪吗
这是第几次又想起你
明天呢再说吧
爱情加上一个也许
也不怕
你爱不爱我
是未知数
剪下你给我的回忆
走我走的路

2008-11-23T20:14:00.002+08:00

A whooping shack week for me I'd say, and an even worse one ahead zzz. At least ex is kinda 1/3 over ba haha. But really quite tiring man, esp when I on a nua mode in camp alr LOL. Shit man still got some ways away cos of the beautiful fact tt I extended -.-" altho haven't sign but abt there alr zzz haha ok la not exactly complaining too much either la just tt v sian when come feb I still no pink ic lol. Oh wells...
Hoho altho ytd rained like dog but still managed to play a delayed street soccer at tampines safra. Haven't had a decent time playing football for a long time alr. Kinda relieved tt the rain ceased in time for us to play heh but sometimes I still feel it'd be better to play field maybe in the near future heh.
Went to the anime festival, was alright ba...$5 to enter sia...like spent more time taking fotos of the models and figures then looking ard the exhibits haha...nothing much there really, just selling quite a lot of anime accessories and things here and there. Rite just splurged quite a lot of cash on tt Cloud Strife plus bike figure. Pretty big, kinda cheaper than outside so I just got it haaaa but have been wanting it since quite long ago alr but I still tink Cloud in Advent Children is way cooler haha but original FFVII is the game man lol. Maybe a remake or sequel wld be cool haha :)
Some how certain things are nv smooth sailing in my life eh...but life goes on, the world continues to move, nv revolving ard you nor stopping for you.
Sometimes really envious of Sheng Qing and Sidao haha...hm...guess sometimes you need a bit of luck to get things going eh.

听着自己的心跳
没有规则的跳跃
我安静的在思考
并不想被谁打扰
我们曾紧紧拥抱
却又轻易地放掉
这种感觉很微妙
该怎麽说才好
时间分割成对角
停止你对我的好
瓦解我们的依靠

在你离开之后的天空
我像风筝寻一个梦
雨后的天空
是否有放晴后的面容
我静静的望着天空
试着寻找失落的感动
只能用笑容
期待着雨过天晴的彩虹

2008-11-16T20:37:00.002+08:00

At the end of a clearing leave week...I've got nothing much to say haha. Except I've kinda spent the time just slacking ard doing not much constructively zzz. Yeah...maybe except for the occasional driving lessons i pretty much spent all the time at home and not much time out.
I quite nua in camp alr haha but Fri night was a horror...packing all the shit to NZ, just helped out and yea reached home uber late and chatted a bit till pretty early too lol. Quite fun tho.
Honestly dono if I made the right decision to extend my ORD =\ really made me think again and again when s3's gonna change but a bit late la...just stay back and help shen qing lo, everything is his fault LOL. K tt's pretty childish but true heh.
Yes I was absolutely horrified tt I woke up at 2.30pm on Sat...good thing I didn't have any appt in the morn or afternoon haha if not hong gan alr man. Yea anywayzzz met up with quite a few group of frens on sat so not too shabby eh. the match against Bolton wasn't pleasant due to the number of missed chances tt were...honestly I cld've scored some of them haha...speaks volumes of the poor finishing -.-"
The thing tt kinda din make my week was tt got no football today!! Wah damn sian...liddat means nv play for almost 3 weeks again!? Crap man like when I go Taiwan sia...needa do some running etc to build up my fitness ya...if not at my current state really damn cui. Getting fat too? Yeah kinda apparent alr zzz.
Tink I needa get more clothes? Variety ba getting a bit boring alr lol. Yea sounds good but means gotta spend a lot!? Yeah sian man, but at the same time gotta save cos I can foresee big expenditure soon hm...and I tink...gonna keep my hair short lol, gets a bit wavy when it becomes longer and also damn ma fan to maintain it haha. See how man.
2 weeks of exercise and I really gonna nua and ord mood alr man altho a lot of ppl ord-ed alr haha.

静止了所有的花开
遥远了清晰的爱
天弥漫爱却更喜欢
那时候我不懂这叫爱
你喜欢站在那窗台
你好久都没再来
彩色的实际让人很空白
是你流的泪晕开

不要你离开距离隔不开
思念变成海在窗外进不来
原谅说太快爱成了阻碍
手中的风筝放太快回不来
不要你离开回忆花不开
请你等重来我在等待重来
天空仍灿烂她爱着大海
情歌被打败爱已不存在

2008-11-10T22:19:00.002+08:00

Omg!! Like wth man. Got a msg from Mr Lim in the morn asking if I wanna work at MOE HQ after I ord. It sounds like good exposure and all for me but as I thought so...he needed the help in Jan but I ord in March due to the extension!!! ARGH!! Super du lan now lo. If only I cld ord earlier. Even if I don't extend it'll be Feb tt I ord and yeah quite difficult to start working in Jan altho I guess I cld request from my boss but then again there's the COS issue.
But can't be helped ba...made a promise to shen qing and boss tt I'll stay to help for the audit and going to NZ is actually a btw thing...it's impt tt I don't break it ya. Gotta stay true to my words. But still...it really is a good opportunity at a terrible time for me T_T
Ah well...just damn suay la...hope he finds someone good tho haha.

对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什么人要这么的脆弱堕落
请你打开电视看看
多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡
随着稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带着你逃跑
乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

不要这么容易就想放弃就像我说的
追不到的梦想换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色
先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色

笑一个吧功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机
现在终于飞回我手里
所谓的那快乐
赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了
谁在偷笑呢
我靠着稻草人吹着风唱着歌睡着了
哦哦午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦哦阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

2008-11-10T02:00:00.002+08:00

Yawn...wad a different week it is. Significantly diff from a usual week at work ya. Oh well...for good rather than for bad I guess...left a bit of stuff undone with my last duty (hopefully) ba but seems like it has been settled here and there.
Was like super tired on Fri itself and subsequently on Sat as well. Went out for a bit after that on Sat and watched football until v late. Arsenal and United game was really good, open and free flowing game which resulted in a possibly fair result imho. Well, Liverpool game was won comfortably with the exception of the first 15 to 20 min with Keane bagging a well deserved brace but cld've had more and tt game left me severely exhausted haha.
Well I got a new pair of Levi's jeans with the "trade-in" offer tt they gave. I tink it's quite a smart sales tactic they have there, probably making other jeans company poor within this period haha. It was quite a coincidence tho, was just bringing a pair to see. The taka outlet din really have anything that impressed me and I sorta gave up after tt but on the way back we passed hte lucky plaza outlet and just popped in despite the lack of time haha. Thot of going there earlier but din and well I saw a decent black pair. Have been looking for a black one for a while, tho not exactly wad I "wanted" but was not bad after trying so just snapped up lo but in the end can't alter cos they had too many to alter alr -.-" honestly had more or less completed new year shopping lol. Was surprised I'm done so early alr. Just bought a bit here and there and nv use at all so in the end store power sia. Maybe a pair of loafers? Haha see how things go mannnnnn. Always feel a need for some reconstruction and overhauling works lol.
I'm not sure whether it was a blessing in disguise that the morn game was called off due to the rain zzz. Missed my usual weekly game. Was kinda looking forward to it but had a bit of a strain on my left thigh due to street soccer on Thurs, got hit there quite badly altho recovering and also I was uber tired when I woke up in the morn. Slept through past noon after tt...was really tired and can't really sustain watching football at this hour either haha, really quite tired eh.
Ah man...gonna be damn bored next week cos my leave is at such a bad time lo...exams looming and no one's really free zzz.

墙角迎风的雏菊
茉莉花开的香气
闭上眼回到过去
划分界限的座椅
下课就靠在一起
我就是离不开你
一路乘着溜滑梯
我们说好走到底
以为从此就分离
用黑板上的日期
倒数找你

慢慢清晰原来思念你
是加了糖的消息
我用铅笔画得很仔细
素描那年天气
蝉鸣的夏季我想遇见你

那童年的希望是
一台时光机
我可以一路开心到底
都不换气
戴竹蜻蜓穿过那森林
打开了任意门找到你
一起旅行

那童年的希望是
一台时光机
你我翻滚过的榻榻米
味道熟悉
所有回忆在小叮当口袋里
一起荡秋千的默契
在风中持续着甜蜜

有些话从来不急
一直都放在心底
想要将你看仔细
但错身而过的你
已经离去

2008-11-02T16:04:00.002+08:00

Hm...feeling a bit tired...after effects of the game I guess. Played alright, cld've done somewhat better tho, v critical of wad I din do well. Not involved enuff tt's the general feel and ya a few stray passes and misctrl yep. Not to mention a few lousy decisions and I gotta ctrl my emotions a bit too haha. A bit hotheaded ah. Bits and pieces here and there add up to damn a lot haha. Oh shit man and Kai Heng was injured in a collision of heads...quite bad...a bit of swollen cheek but I tink got a mild concussion, he was giddy after the knock...heard he leaving for US soon? Hope he's alright man. Wilson got a cut, needed 4 stitches but seemed fine.
Pool game ytd was absolutely rubbish. Why? Cos we deserved to win in all aspects man. Spurs were lucky with the first goal and a bit in their second. Hitting the woodwork twice and missing clear chances certainly doesn't mark our day. But it cld well have been a v different result. I'd say unlucky but I won't deny the fact tt we failed to convert our chances, it was a day where I got the feeling tt things wldn't go our way.
Yep had a pretty good time ytd evening to nite ba haha. Altho my tummy was growling when I was going back home hoho. Kinda enjoyed myself with still some catching up to do lol. And walked quite a bit too mwahah but I'm glad I'm pretty much injury free except for a bit of a funny feeling to my left calf and right thigh during the game today. V weird feeling, hopefully not the bones cos felt a bit like it but shd be fine lol.
Tired...back to camp soon zzz...more work haha. Ah yes and more or less going to nz for frame 2 and shd be still have my cny ba haha. But doesn't quite matter to me ba...with the sb and stuff having prob clearing leave alr and also dono wad to do during those "forced" to apply leave ba haha. Forced not a good word tho hm...
Ah yes, 魔杰座 is just great :) as usual heh.

你的绘画凌乱着在这个时刻
我像气氛纯白的白鸽甜蜜散落了
继续莫名的拉扯我还爱你了
但你断断续续唱着歌假作没事了
时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
一开始都不快乐
你用卡片纸写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一意一心数着你在不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得
你不懂了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒在旋转着要怎么停呢

2008-10-27T21:04:00.002+08:00

Well...can't help but be extremely pleased with Liverpool's performance against Chelsea. Beating them at Stamford Bridge on the back of 86 unbeaten matches in the premier league is such an achievement. A performance and result unmatched by Arsenal or even Man Utd. What a great day for Alonso. Honestly, the last game I watched before leaving for Taiwan still left me tinking a lot abt the potency of our attack along with the seemingly frailty of the defence at times. But tt match left me speechless. The rock solid defence provided by Agger and Carragher as well as both full backs and Mascherano the Energizer bunny, the attacking flair of Riera and incisive passing of Alonso and ever-present Gerrard...even Kuyt has improved much and seems to be fitting in the system much better with his touches. Keane with his mobility and impressive movement also impressed me. Reina hardly broke a sweat even. The excellent performance really led me to thinking tt this Liverpool side cld just go all the way in the league and if we keep up the resilience and the superb performances, I'm certain we'd be right up the top of the table come next May.
I'm tinking a lot of things have changed since I left for Taiwan ya...still trying to come to terms as to wad's happening and all...still feeling the accumulated fatigue way back from the beginning of bioc and up till the end of Taiwan ya...really quite tired but I tink it'll improve in time for sure.
Had been on a spending spree in Taiwan and even in Sg lol...dono why lea...not really therapy also but just thot I shd be getting the stuff heh. Yea in Taiwan spent quite a bit on the snacks and all for ppl...but really still not quite enuff to give ard zzz. Yep spent a bit on manga and also a bit of electronics ya. Today just splurged on Jay Chou and JJ's new cds. I always buy their new albums tho so I guess it's pretty normal lol and also a long-sleeve shirt tt I kinda liked haha but I guess I won't get to wear for new year if I go for our exercise in NZ cos it's gonna stretch past cny zzz tt's why I still considering and I'll be away from sg for super long, more than 1 mth man. Really dono whether to or not. But I gotta say the new albums impress me heh. Still tinking ah...hair gonna drop le zzz.

雨淋湿了天空
灰的很讲究
你说你不懂为何在这时牵手
我晒干了沉默
悔的更冲动
就算这次做错也只是怕错过
在一起叫梦
分开了叫痛
是不是说没有做完的梦最痛
迷路的后果
我能承受
这最后的出口在爱过了才有

能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的回忆里
你不用害怕失眠
如果你想忘记我也能失忆
能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见
你送我的眼泪
让它留在雨天
越过你划的线我定了勇气的终点

你说我不该不该在这个时候
说了我爱你
要怎么证明我没有说谎的力气
请告诉我而暂停算不算放弃
我只有一天的回忆

2008-10-26T12:27:00.001+08:00

Finally back from Taiwan lo. Vv tired. Quite a good trip there, nothing near simple but learnt a lot and stuff, got some stuff back too haha.
But dono la, come back first thing I realised something terrible. Hopefully my inference is just wrong but i really doubt so :(

海平面远方开始阴霾
悲伤要怎么平静纯白
我的脸上始终挟带
一抹浅浅的无奈
你用唇语说你要离开(情不在)
那难过无声慢了下来
汹涌潮水你听明白
不是浪而是泪海

转身离开分手说不出来
海鸟跟鱼相爱
只是一场意外
我们的爱(我们的爱)
差异一直存在(回不来)
风中尘埃(等待)
竟累积成伤害

转身离开分手说不出来
蔚蓝的珊瑚海
错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此(你我都)
不够成熟坦白(不应该)
热情不再(你的)
笑容勉强不来
爱深埋珊瑚海

毁坏的沙雕如何重来
有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切结束太快
你说你无法释怀
贝壳里隐藏什么期待(等花儿开)
我们也已经无心再猜
面向海风(面向海风)咸咸的爱(咸咸的爱)
尝不出还有未来

2008-10-06T14:06:00.003+08:00

Wow...wad a weekend to savour haha. Yep after the fateful graduation day went back to unit on Thurs, tried to help out wherever I cld la but realised lost touch with a lot of stuff so was only able to help here and there heheh. Altho cldn't do much but just hope I did help a bit at least ba lol.
Met up a bit with Hanz and co. on Fri then went to send off Jia Hui from the junior class sia. Damn zai, some DSTA scholarship like Wee Siong haha. I'm happy for her since she did so well heh. Haven't seen the junior class for quite sometime alr. Vv long in fact lol. Yep, they're a nice bunch of ppl I'd say...some of them at least. Well tink tt it was a great day ya meeting up with them. Faustine, Stelly, Hong Wei and Aishu. Yep v long nv talk to them alr. Hm...prompted me to tink of a junior-senior class mini-gathering haha. I tink some ppl won't be interested at all ya and probably not many left in Sg but I guess I'll see how eh.
Sat was just great. Went back to see the VJ openhouse. Really really refreshing to see the college once again :) had plenty of great memories there. However, the atmosphere was nv as strong as it used to be with the carnival style and all...things are pretty much subdued now altho there was this F1 simulator thingy. The best thing was tt I went to S&T centre with Shaun lo. Saw Mrs Choo and Mrs Lim there ^v^ v long nv talk to them alr man. Yea altho Mrs Lim left subsequently but we still got to talk to Mrs Choo quite a bit more ya haha. Really v nice to be able to meet up a bit and still talk to old teachers. It's really quite a privilege to be able to do so :) Also saw JY and Leslie at the openhouse kb-ed abt the lack of gatherings and asked JY to organise one while I'm away =X ok la will try to help get things going when I'm free and yes those 2 dudes gonna ORD v soon when I'm back so they v free to organise one lo haha. Hope it'll happen man.
Sun was an excellent day too! Played football in the morn as usual heh. Managed to nick a win thx to Wei Han's great goal but I've gotta criticise my own performance for not being able to be in the thick of things as a forward in the first half and also for putting in 2 poor cut backs as a left winger in the 2nd half. Really ah, shd have tucked the ball into the back of the net after beating the high def line but argh made a poor cut back instead which was intercepted by the keeper zzz. Can cry man...was cursing myself for not even trying a shot. A win was great but shd've had more goals cos really had plenty of chances and yea the bro missed a hat trick of chances. Period lol.
Liverpool's game against Man City was full of excitement and drama as we trailed 2-0 at the break. 1st goal was pretty lucky and 2nd goal...Din seem like a foul to me but dono la maybe Reina shd've saved the freekick. 2nd half was all abt our golden boy Fernando Torres, having a slice of luck with a deflected shot from a fine build up play by Arbeloa and Gerrard. And then powering a header form the corner by Gerrard, with a red card to tt Zabeleta in btw both goals but it was a studs up dangerous tackle tt hit Alonso on his shin. V bad tackle and on a side note, Alonso has drawn 3 red cards this season alr lol. Kuyt was another hero of the nite with a good finished following up the blocked Torres shot from a brilliant dribble and cut back by Benayoun (wish I cld do tt zzz).
Tt pretty much sums up my week before Taiwan. V good and hopefulyl Taiwan wld be just as good for me man haha. 3 weeks away from Singapore man.

2008-10-01T19:58:00.003+08:00

Wow a rare mid-week post. Possibly cos of the hols haha but I tink more of the end of course feeling ba. Really had a great time in the past 5 weeks ya. Cld really feel the affinity with the whole course of 28 guys ya. It was really nice to be able to meet each and everyone of them. I can say tt I'm so privileged to be part of 0308 bioc man. Seriously, the 5 weeks we spent tgt ah...all the late nights and pain we went thru for the exercises, as well as the mistakes and stuff we made.
I'd have to say Han Kiat's valedictory speech was just perfect. Wad a strong word to use but it pretty much sums up all our past mistakes and was more than an apt summary of our times in the past 5 weeks, how I wish I cld take a video of it man haha. Who cld forget Steven's tagline from our dear instructors haha.
"You can do it, you are a champion!"
Lol inside joke man.
Our course gift to jis, caligraphy with the following words.
"知己知彼百战不殆，知天知地胜乃可全"
Yes and the guy's name and appt was too freaking long to rmb, as long as this thing man haha.
Well I've got nothing but fond memories of the course ya...a good learning experience for sure but not more than the frens I've made, nsfs, nsmen and reg alike :)

2008-09-28T22:17:00.002+08:00

Oooh...got some headache now...after an official match which we din play particularly well and i gotta learn to strike the ball a lot better sighz...really bad...wasted quite a few chances.
Well the good thing was tt pool won the merseyside derby heh. A Torres brace brought us the victory but it certainly shd've been a hat trick cos his 2rd goal was definitely legitimate as Kuyt wasn't fouling anyone man.
Wa really shack but I gotta say tt bioc was great. Got to know plenty of NSmen as well as the Taiwan delegates. They're all really nice ppl :) it's sad tt it's all gonna end on Tues and we may nv really contact each other v much after tt but it was a great exp with all of them.

2008-09-21T23:24:00.002+08:00

Watching the pool stoke game was painful man...A legitimate goal from the start being chalked off for no reason. Rubbish refereeing but ive gotta say pool have themselves to blame for not creating clear cut chances tho stoke defended with 11 men. Sian too tired to comment further tho stats tell it all.
Chelsea man utd also another game. Chelsea only have got themselves to blame for not winning lo...with players like Cole and Anelka missing sitters despite utd being able to play football unlike being stifled at Anfield.
Right...anyway super tired now and I'm absolutely full of injuries after the game. My right toe, ankle, knee, calf. Left side no so bad but really all the shit happened to me recently. Just recovered from last week's game lo. Sian. Dono if i can recover in time to play again zzz. Hopefully ah cos prob last game before going to taiwan, dowan to exert on the day of flight man.
Also dono why my gullet like suddenly shrink or something, swallowing suddenly becomes a hassle during dinner. Dono wth happened man zzz. Sux like hell.

2008-09-20T14:34:00.003+08:00

Haven't touched this for 2 weeks alr haha. Last weekend really quite hectic and damn shack for me sia haha. But it was good. My gma's 80th bdae lea!! Haha...had quite some fun on Sun at SRC. Played pool with my cousins and just hung ard playing heh. Played football with my bro and co. before tt. Felt tt I played decently la...managed 2 goals for a start with my first game with a team. 1st goal was good pass by Jia Hong while the second was a little special heh, made a dribble from the flank and eventually past the keeper too. But cld've and shd've at least bag a hat trick, guilty of missing 2 good chances zzz. But super shack man. Really too long nv play field alr. Cramped up a bit at the end too. My stamina really too cui alr. Needa beef it up haha but need discipline to train myself eh...which haven't been the case for quite sometime but once I start on it, the momentum will be there for a while I hope lol. Now too busy to learn driving and stuff ya, going Taiwan soon too.
Anyway ytd went dbl o to see the raffles hall concert bash. Rite...honestly it was okay la just hang ard and talk a bit. Was a bit surprised to see Kenny there tho. Was my instructor in AI ya...a nice guy I'd say but a lot of cadets din like him haha. Chatted a bit with him la, hope he doing well man. If Soon Leng decides Raffles Hall then cool la haha but actually i sui bian one heh. I just tink wld be fun to stay in hall ya and can play football regularly LOL. K hopefully tmr can get to play lo haha.
Oh yes and Pool beat Utd hands down man. Watched it at Shaun's place. Was like uber owning lol. Esp in 2nd half altho first 20 min or so it looked quite bleak. Took a little stroke of luck to get back into the game but a good win I'd say for sure.

2008-09-07T22:50:00.003+08:00

Yawn...another week has past. Yes need more slp lol. But I'd have to say the past week was pretty fruitful. Got to know the Taiwan delegates in the course significantly better as I had a bit of a chance to talk to them more. Yep...they're really nice ppl and hopefully next sat can bring their families and them out haha. Hope not too big to handle but gotta thank Khoo Yu for agreeing to help despite going to enlist soon ya :) if not also impossible le.
Right it's been a tired end to the week due to the planning but I honestly learnt quite a lot and rmbed lotsa stuff from my FAOCC days ya. But can really use more slp la haha. Hm...I'm pretty sure there's something I forgot to mention la but nvm lo. Perpetual STM lea. Yea been ongoing for damn long lol.
Phew...yes ytd met up with ChenTing and Izam since a super long time, esp ct lo. Nv really got the chance to talk to him as much as I'd have liked before but I guess it's good now eh. Watched Wall-E haha, it's pretty er...gay? No la it's just a bit too cute for me alr man. But it's really quite nice and I believe many wld enjoy it hoho. Decent storyline and the expressions of the little robots are surprisingly well brought out.
Finally got to play football today after a good few weeks layoff. It was generally a good outing ya did decently well but not good enuff. Link-up play still sux man haha but hope tt I'm improving lo. Maybe next time got chance to play field alr cos my bro's team recently like not enuff ppl lo. Sounds great fun to me heh :)
Rite went out with the family too hoho. Haven't done so in a long time except for the trips to my grandma's house ya. Absolutely forgot my cantonese le T.T got problems listening now even zzz...can't believe my hokkien getting better than canto alr haha cos of frequent usage in camp but mine still sux tho lol.